


the secrets of the universe lie between us

by withavengeance



Category: Smosh
Genre: F/F, F/M, High School AU, M/M, Underage Drinking, can't hide from the angst, groupchat shenanigans, just shenanigans in general, look at all these healthy relationships, supportive friends who are supportive, there's mention of weed, this is actually getting a bit angsty whoops, this is so self-indulgent lmao
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-26 14:00:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9901799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withavengeance/pseuds/withavengeance
Summary: Smosh high school au, where the Smosh company doesn't exist and it's just the name of their groupchat. Everyone is somehow LGBTQIA+ and there's a lot of friendship shenanigans with cute relationships. Written in a mix of chatfic and traditional paragraphs. Gets a bit angsty later on.





	1. The Beginning ft. Cool, Friendly Group Banter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I've been wanting to write something that just gives a glimpse into the Smosh fam's friendship, which is just too, too pure. This chapter is written in partially groupchat style, and then partially traditional paragraph style. It's a high school au where Smosh doesn't exist, and instead it's just the name of their groupchat. Lots of bros being bros.
> 
> Enjoy~!

 

6:23 AM 

_ groupchat:  _ **_SMOSH >>_ **

**sohinkadink:** hey anyone know when that psych paper’s due 

**sohinkadink:** bc i haven’t started it and 

**sohinkadink:** psych is like my only class im not failing 

**Wes!!!!:** Good morning!!

**The Jovenshire:** Jesus christ 

**The Jovenshire:** Why are you awake wtf guys 

**SuperShayne:** ‘ssup 

**sohinkadink:** no fuckign clue why these losers are up but iM TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHEN THAT PSYCH PAPER IS DUE 

**Wes!!!!:** Sry I dont take psych, but i mean u already kno that 

**Wes!!!!:** Doesnt courtney hav psych with u? 

**sohinkadink:** yea but she’s clearly getting her beauty sleep 

**sohinkadink:** all while lil sohin drowns in his worries 

**The Jovenshire:** Fuck off 

**The Jovenshire:** Go back to sleep 

**eight:** It’s really not all that early… 

**eight:** School starts at 8, and if you want to meet up with us in the morning you’d better get there by 7:30 

**The Jovenshire:** Fuck off x2 

**The Jovenshire:** Fucking noah and his hipster ass screen name telling me what to do 

**The Jovenshire:** Jesus christ 

**The Jovenshire:** Im going back to sleep 

**The Jovenshire:** Nevermind you fucking guuys 

**Wes!!!!:** … 

**SuperShayne:** is he done 

**eight:** Someone is  _ salty  _

**sohinkadink:** yea speaking of salty where tf is mari 

**SuperShayne:** does someone miss their GIRLFRIEND??????? 

**sohinkadink:** fuk off b itch 

**sohinkadink:** she lets me copy off of her calc hw 

**eight:** #TrueLoveRightThere

**eight:** #Marhinki 

**sohinkadink:** smh i feel so a tt a cke d rn im just trying not to fail school 

**LASERCORN:** Speaking of failing im actually failing lit right now 

**LASERCORN:** But thats because I dont actually read the books because theyre LAME

**LASERCORN:** But still were we supposed to read last night 

**SuperShayne:** it is getting LIT up in here 

**SuperShayne:** hAH! 

**eight:** Yeah, it was like chapters 8-10 with those analysis questions 

**LASERCORN:** Ugh

**LASERCORN:** Ill just sparknotes that shit 

**tacohashi:** hey sohin 

**sohinkadink:** yea 

**SuperShayne:** ((gET A ROOOOM)) 

**tacohashi:** [ calc-hw.jpg ](https://68.media.tumblr.com/1ccbe462b2b09bb967acfb6a9734b7af/tumblr_ol7ya1Dce31w5ju37o1_1280.png)

**sohinkadink:** omg you’re a lifesaver 

**LASERCORN:** HAHAHAHHAHA 

**sohinkadink:** ………..i take that back 

**sohinkadink:** okay yeah haha very funny i guess i deserve it b

**eight:** That was so good, honestly, I’m kind of scared of Mari now 

**sohinkadink:** ut im honestly desperate here pls mari 

**LASERCORN:** Mari don’t do it!

**tacohashi:** ugh

**tacohashi:** i fucking hate u 

**tacohashi:** [ calculushw-0211.jpg ](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-O3S8aJjDWBo/UTpEOda-Q9I/AAAAAAAAABQ/gK3JF5-6xLE/s1600/6.2+%25282%2529.JPG)

**sohinkadink:** aaaah omfg thaaaankk you so muuuch 

**sohinkadink:** i love youuu <3 

**tacohashi:** yeah, yeah 

**tacohashi:** just buy me lunch 

**sohinkadink:** okay bAE 

**Wes!!!!:** Aww, u guys r so cute 

**tacohashi:** st fu i lit hate everyone here 

**SuperShayne:** isn’t this groupchat just so 

**SuperShayne:** LIT HAH 

**tacohashi:** yup that just clarifies my point even more 

**eight:** Awwww, I hate you too! 

**LASERCORN:** I HATE EVERYONE AS WELL 

**LASERCORN:** ESPECIALLY SHAYNE 

**Wes!!!!:** U guys hate me?? 

**LASERCORN:** YES 

**tacohashi:** ….. 

**Wes!!!!:** :( 

**tacohashi:** …. ok fine everyone except wes 

**Wes!!!!:** Yay!!!! :D 

**sohinkadhink:** hey!! no bf perks today?

**tacohashi:** bitch i gave you my calc hw so ur not getting anything until u buy me food 

**sohinkadink:** :( 

**tacohashi:** b iT CH FUKC OFF 

**sohinkadink:** love you too 

**tacohashi:** <3 

**eight:** If that isn’t true love right there, then idk what is 

**crotchney:** helloooo! :)

**crotchney:** is olivia here yet? 

**sohinkadink:** COURTNEY 

**SuperShayne:** not yet 

**sohinkadink:** WHEN IS THE PSYCH PAPER DUE 

**crotchney:** thursday, I think 

**crotchney:** (thnx shayne) 

**sohinkadink:** o fuk 

**sohinkadink:** and geez, that took you long enough

**SuperShayne:** YEAH, what were you doing, SLEEPING??? like a normal human???? 

**sohinkadink:** you were also awake so stfu 

**SuperShayne:** yeah because i was back from my morning run you unfit piece of shit

**SuperShayne:** my bODY IS A TEMPLE 

**LASERCORN:** EXERCISE IS LAME 

**SuperShayne:** say that on your deathbed 

**eight:** Is that supposed to be scary?

**eight:** I welcome death with open arms 

**Keith Leak Jr:** Wtf are u on about 

**eight:** Heyyyy 

**Keith Leak Jr:** Fucking white people and their crazy shit 

**eight:** <3

**Keith Leak Jr:** Luv ya tho

**crotchney:** you guys are so cute!!! 

**sohinkadink:** you mean DISGUSTING 

**sohinkadink:** juniors and their sappy shit 

**SuperShayne:** excuse me? Im not associated with these people 

**sohinkadink:** juniors minus shayne bc he’s forever alone 

**urdad:** Hey hey

**crotchney:** oliviaaaa! 

**urdad:** Gm!! 

**crotchney:** :))))))) 

**sohinkadink:** exactly. 

**sohinkadink:** sappy shit 

**Keith Leak Jr:** You need to take your salt somewhere else 

**sohinkadink:** everyone who agrees that the juniors (minus shayne) are sappy as shit say i 

**SuperShayne:** I

**sohinkadink:** i 

**tacohashi:** i 

**LASERCORN:** Im not conforming to your stupid shit but yea theyre disgusting 

**FLitz:** I 

**Keith Leak Jr:** Woah woah woah flitz you’ve been here all along and you only talk to shit on us??? 

**Keith Leak Jr:** And I thought we were chill 

**FLitz:** Anything for you 

**Keith Leak Jr:** Hell no youre the worst 

**Keith Leak Jr:** I trusted you 

**sohinkadink:** wes? 

**Wes!!!!:** I think it’s nice tht they’re supportive!! 

**Keith Leak Jr:** THANK YOU!!! Jesus Christ, the rest of you are just haters 

**crotchney:** yeah, you’re just jealous bcause we’re so cute 

**urdad:** cuuuuties <3 !!!!!!! 

**LASERCORN:** WES YOU TRAITOR 

**LASERCORN:** Joven would agree with us if he was here so majority still rules 

**eight:** Great, glad we got that out of the way 

**crotchney:** ffs you guys r so immature 

**sohinkadink:** says thE JUNIOR 

**crotchney:** yeah thAT MAKES IT WORSE 

**Keith Leak Jr:** Kill ‘em court!! 

**eight:** Okay, that’s cool and all, but you guys need to get your asses to school 

**SuperShayne:** wow what a NERD 

**crotchney:** ill be there in a few! 

**sohinkadink:** i’m out, losers 

**Keith Leak Jr:** Seeya guys 

7:38 AM

_ groupchat:  _ **_SMOSH >>_ **

**eight:** Where tf are you guys 

**urdad:** we’re almost there 

**eight:** Okay, because madison is here and she’s making me uncomfortable 

**Keith Leak Jr:** I’’m comiung don’tr woerry Il’l fu=cjk her uup 

**eight:** Are you texting and driving because odn’t do that!

**urdad:** i just told court and she’ll get us there as fast as we can 

**eight:** No really I’m fine 

**sohinkadink:** no we’re coming 

**sohinkadink:** wes and i were talking to our hist teacher but we’ll be there 

**Wes!!!!:** Mari will b there in a sec also!!

**eight:** No guys take ur time im relaly fine 

**Keith Leak Jr:** Do’ntt listenn to ohim evereyone get theree fasst 

**eight:** Don’t text!!!! JUSt get here if you insiist don’t text it’s dangerous 

* * *

 

Noah heard the heavy and rapid footsteps of someone urgently running- someone urgently running who was neither used to or prepared for the said action- just moments before an arm was protectively slung over his shoulder. He turned to see Sohinki at his side, panting while trying hard to not look like he was panting, which only furthered this panting. 

“I’m here,” Sohinki managed to get out, in what he believed to be a cool and collected voice, one that definitely wasn’t tired from sprinting down two flights of stairs. 

Noah nodded. “Uh, yeah. I can see that,” he choked out a small laugh. He was obviously still highly uncomfortable. 

The cause of this uncomfort stood several feet away, cloaked in a gaggle of Band Students. These were not the band students of Oak Creek High, who were a mostly pleasant group of students who played their instruments for a plethora of different reasons. No, they were the Band Students, who thought that they were too good for the Oak Creek band, with one of their hobbies being complaining about the Oak Creek band. Despite this, they showed no signs of quitting the band program nor improving upon it.

These Band Students moved in a motion that could only be described as swarming, diving in all sorts of directions to boast about which concert they were going to go see, which piece they were able to transpose, how they sight-read a concerto faster than their second cousin, who was a professional musician. And the center of this pride-centric chaos stood Madison Bentley. 

“Hey!” Noah heard a voice over his shoulder, one that came with a surprise tackle-hug from behind. He startled a bit, and Sohinki’s arm dropped from his shoulder. 

Noah squirmed as if he was uncomfortable, but in reality the hug was fairly pleasant. “Hey, Mari,” he said, trying to look as casual as possible. He was glad that his friends were coming to his rescue, but the way Madison was staring at him, sly in that others wouldn’t notice, but purposeful in that she wanted Noah to know she was staring at him, still set him on edge. 

Sohinki and Mari did notice however, partly due to the text message, but mostly because they knew the story. There wasn’t really anything they could do, so they just tried to keep his mind off of it. 

“Don’t worry about her,” Sohinki said, his panting finally waning down. Noah wasn’t sure if he was referring to Mari or Madison, but he suspected Mari. This was confirmed when Sohinki went on to ask for a hug as well, pleading boyfriend perks. 

Madison was looking at Noah. He felt it. Although he couldn’t hear what nasty and untrue thing she whispered about him, he felt it. 

Wes was next to arrive, looking flustered. “Sorry,” he said, stopping a moment to catch his breath. “I was coming, but I guess I was going too fast, because I crashed into this sophomore boy in my bake shop class, and he dropped his papers and they were everywhere and I felt bad so I had to help him, but I’m here now so that’s good,” except he said it all rushed together, as if it was all one word. 

Noah squeezed out a smile, and a little hello, but everyone could tell he was uncomfortable. He eventually decided not to bullshit them anymore. “Madison is staring at me. She’s saying something. Probably something like-” 

“She’s just jealous,” Mari interjected, not going to allow her friend to say self-deprecating things about himself. 

Noah nodded. “Yeah, I know, but it still bothers me.” 

“It would bother anybody,” Mari said kindly. 

Wes gave Noah a smile, “Yeah, what’s important for you to remember is that it’s not your fault. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things, and some people’s ways of dealing with things are more shitty than others.” 

“That’s a good way of thinking about it,” Sohinki nodded thoughtfully. “But she’s still a bitch and we all still hate her.” 

This made Noah laugh. “Thanks guys,” he said, feeling like a thanks wasn’t enough for everything his friends did for him. 

Suddenly, there was a hand on Noah’s shoulder and his entire body relaxed slightly, immediately knowing who it was just from the weight. He turned his head slightly to see an incredibly welcome face. 

“Hey,” Noah said softly, trying not to sound too lovey-dovey in front of his friends. From the way Sohinki mimed shoving a finger down his throat, Noah assumed that he failed, though he couldn’t be sorry. 

Keith didn’t beat around the bush. “Do you want me to go punch her, because I’ll do it. Just tell me to do it and she’ll be out.” 

Keith Leak Jr. was nothing if not aggressively loyal. It was one of Noah’s favourite things about him. Still, this wasn’t a fight for Keith. Nor was it a fight for Noah. Despite how much Noah wanted to unleash his anger upon Madison sometimes, it wasn’t his problem, and he was better than that. 

Yet, Keith’s offer made Noah laugh. “No, we have to take the higher road, right?” He repeated Keith’s words back at him, half teasing and half serious. 

Keith sighed, nodding. “You’re right. She’s just jealous,” he dropped his hand from Noah’s shoulder and instead took his hand, trying to be as subtle about it as he could. 

Mari huffed. “She should be over it by now, though. She only went out with Keith for what, a week?” Everyone knew that Mari was playing down Madison and Keith’s four month relationship to make Noah feel better. Still, Noah appreciated it. 

Mari continued, “I mean if she was secretly a fourth grader, I’d get why she’d still be upset…” She trailed off, thinking. “Actually, it would make a lot of sense if she was secretly a fourth grader with how she does in Calculus!” 

“Yeah, a fourth grader with an impressive set of boobs,” Sohinki piped up, earning a smack on the head from Mari. 

“Watch it, bitch,” she snapped without venom. “Buy me lunch before you go around commenting on other girls’ racks.” 

“I heard racks and now I’m interested,” came a voice from over Mari’s shoulder. 

“I like racks,” chimed a second voice from the same direction. 

Courtney swung an elbow on Mari’s shoulder, leaning on her slightly. “I’m more of a butt man, but yeah, me too, Olivia.” 

Mari couldn’t help the smile that made its way onto her face. “Courtney! Olivia! Hey!” She took Olivia by the arm, so that the three girls were now tangled together in a poorly drawn line. 

Olivia took a sip from her coffee thermos. Noah was still slightly astounded by how everything Olivia did was so  _ organised _ . She had her coffee thermos for her morning coffee that she got up to make, which sat neatly next to her secondary thermos, which was for lunch- today it was leftover dumplings she made yesterday from scratch. It was all so thought out and methodical. And yet, by the way Olivia acted, she felt so spontaneous.

“Were we talking about racks?” Olivia directed the question to the entire group as a whole, but unsurprisingly, Courtney was the one to answer, despite the fact that she had no idea if her friends in fact were talking about racks. 

“Watch it Olivia,” Courtney teased, her eyes narrowing. “Your gay is showing.” 

A new voice cleared its throat. “Did I just hear someone claim Olivia to be,” a pause for dramatic effect. “A  _ homosexual _ ?” He said it too loud for comfort, and this was rewarded with laughs from the group. 

Courtney lowered her eyebrows in mock anger. “Shayne,” her tone sent shivers down Noah’s spine despite the fact that it was only acting. He made a mental note to never anger Courtney. 

“Are you being,” a pause for dramatic effect. “ _ Homophobic  _ towards my girlfriend?” Courtney dropped her arm from Mari’s shoulder, and swaggered up to Shayne in an over exaggerated imitation of how the latter walked. 

Shayne adopted an even more over exaggerated imitation of his voice. “Yeah,  _ bitch,  _ you wanna go? ‘Cause I’ll take it outside, you wanna go?” This continued, and eventually the two of them were fake-brawling in the middle of the hallway. 

In the middle of this, Lasercorn arrived. “What the fuck is going on here?” He said it in a way that suggested he was perfectly fine with not knowing what the fuck was going on. 

Noah rolled his eyes, tossing his head as dramatically as possible. “Theater kids, am I right?” Being the largest theater nerd he knew after Joven, this earned a good amount of laughs. But speaking of Joven… 

“Where the God-fearing hell is Joven? I know FLitz can’t come in the mornings, but Joven?” Apparently Keith was thinking the same thing. 

Lasercorn gave a sigh that was Noah-worthy. “I swear god if that son of a bitch is still sleeping…” 

Noah pulled out his phone. 

* * *

 

7:49 AM

_ groupchat:  _ **_SMOSH >>_ **

**eight:** Joven

**eight:** Joven

**eight:** Joven

**LASERCORN:** JOVEN

**Wes!!!!:** Joven!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**urdad:** I like racks

**eight:** He literally is still asleep

**LASERCORN:** Someone call him

**Wes!!!!:** Im on it!!

**tacohashi:** omfg what a loser

**sohinkadink:** lmao 

**eight:** Real mature 

**Keith Leak Jr:** Im just happy to be here

* * *

 

The 8:00 warning bell rung, a sound that sent students scattering in every direction, the hallways quickly transforming into pure chaos. There was no more time for being nice if you wanted to get to class on time, this was every man for himself. Or person for themself. Noah wasn’t sexist. 

Courtney and Shayne wrapped up their brawl, with Olivia crowning her girlfriend as the winner with a quick peck. Wes and Sohinki were off to history, with Mari shouting after them that if Sohinki forgot to buy her lunch she’d make him sorry. Keith departed after giving Noah a short tap on his shoulder and a cheesy wink. Lasercorn insisted upon staying behind to wait for Joven to arrive, saying that he wouldn’t miss the opportunity to snap some embarrassing photos to use later as blackmail. 

And so Noah Grossman shoved his way toward a staircase to his first period photography class, subtly shaking his head to himself about Lasercorn’s plan. He knew Lasercorn really couldn’t afford being tardy to more first period classes, but once he made up his mind, there was no persuading him. Plus, Noah was sure that Lasercorn wouldn’t feel an ounce of remorse for his extra tardy if he got the blackmail-worthy pictures. 

As Noah thought about his complex and yet so effortless friend group, he didn’t even notice Madison Bentley’s piercing stare of jealousy, because if the Smosh family could do anything, they were good at keeping Noah’s hyperactive brain off certain things, and thinking about other certain things. Other certain things that included picturing Lasercorn swooping intrusively in front of a half-asleep and flustered Jovenshire, cackling as he snapped a series of pictures. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There wasn't a lot going on plot-wise this chapter; it was just an introduction chapter, and I wanted to write a regular day in the life of one character. So if you feel like the plot is dry, it'll get juicy later (wtf is this analogy). This chapter is also Noah-centric, but don't worry! I have some plans for this fic, and mostly every chapter revolves around a different character, so you'll be getting a glimpse of everyone :) I don't really plan on incorporating Ian and Anthony too much into this, because the idea is that they're in college, but if anyone has an idea for a reunion or something, I'd be completely open to it!
> 
> Give me feedback in the comments, and suggestions are always welcome. 
> 
> You can also hmu on tumblr at lonelyspacepumpkin.tumblr.com; I don't post anything Smosh-related, but you can also give me suggestions/just chat on tumblr if you want. I'm also thinking about creating a sideblog for YT (or maybe even just Smosh)? I'll keep you updated on that.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed that, and stay tuned for more!


	2. Lasercorn's Love Life ft. Our Lord and Saviour Jeromey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sohinki thinks that Lasercorn might be dating someone, so the crew comes together to plumb the depths of Lasercorn's love life. Hilarity ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter two; I got a little carried away so it's pretty long. There's some underage drinking and mention of marijuana use, it's not a main theme, but just a warning. 
> 
> Enjoy!

4:29 PM

_ groupchat:  _ **_SMOSH >>_ **

**sohinkadink:** are you guys still up for pizza on friday?

**sohinkadink:** bc i got a coupon for 20% off and 

**crotchney:** niiiiicee, Ill be there

**The Jovenshire:** Hell yeah!!!! 

**Keith Leak Jr:** Lmao you cheap mofo 

**Keith Leak Jr:** Im up for it tho

**sohinkadink:** i’m a borderline broke high school student, coupons are the SHIT 

**crotchney:** olivia has a dance thing, she’ll be a bit late but shes going

**SuperShayne:** I’m down, kids 

**Keith Leak Jr:** Who the fuck you callin a kid???? 

**tacohashi:** yaaaaaaaaaaasssssss  dADdy good shit go౦ԁ sHit thats  some good shit right th ere right there if i do ƽaү so my selｆ  i say so  thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ daAaAaADDdddYyyY НO0ОଠＯOOＯOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ Good shit

**The Jovenshire:** Jesus 

**sohinkadink:** i’ll take that as a yes 

**Wes!!!!:** I hav a fencing meet :( 

**Wes!!!!:** But Ill try 2 b there for a bit

**Wes!!!!:** And flitz can go!!!!! :D 

**sohinkadink:** cool cool kids 

**SuperShayne:** Bitch that’s my thing 

**Keith Leak Jr:** WHO Y’ALL CALLIN A KID??????? 

**sohinkadink:** calm your tits and can noah come?

**Keith Leak Jr:** Why do y’all think that I’m always with noah just bc Im his bf 

**Keith Leak Jr:** I ain’t his mom 

**sohinadink:** yea ok can he come 

**Keith Leak Jr:** …. 

**sohinadink:** …….. 

**Keith Leak Jr:** ………….

**sohinkadink:** …………………………………………………

**sohinkadink:** …………………………………………………………………………………

**Keith Leak Jr:** He has track thing 

**sohinkadink:** HA! 

**crotchney:** omfg you guys are so cute ily 

**Keith Leak Jr:** Shit

**Keith Leak Jr:** We’re sappy, aren’t we

**sohinkadink:** yes

**SuperShayne:** No shit

**The Jovenshire:** Yep 

**Keith Leak Jr:** Shit

**crotchney:** noooooo guys stop theyre cute 

**crotchney:** i love you guys 

**Keith Leak Jr:** Shit

**Keith Leak Jr:** But I love ya too court 

**sohinkadink:** okay i told my brother i was coming like 10 mins ago 

**sohinkadink:** but hmu if you hear from l-corn 

**crotchney:** byeeee!! 

**tacohashi:** you’re cUMmInG??????? buSt thOSe NUtSSSSS

**sohinkadink:** wtf that’s gross mari 

**sohinkadink:** you’re talking abt my brOTHER 

**tacohashi:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

**sohinkadink:** jesus christ we’re literally planning a bday thing for our MOM 

**tacohashi:**  bull shit bull sHit thats  some bull shit right th  ere righ there if i do ƽaү so my selｆ ‼️ i say so ‼️ thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ‼️ HO0ОଠＯOOＯOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ‼️ Bull shit

**sohinkadink:** fucking hell 

 

7:42 PM 

_ groupchat:  _ **_SMOSH >> _ **

**sohinkadink:** has anyone heard from l-corn yet??

**urdad:** no

**Wes!!!!:** No, idk whats happening w him 

**sohinkadink:** huh 

**FLitz:** He could be dead in a ditch 

**Wes!!!!:** No hes not 

**eight:** I mean we wouldn’t know the difference 

**crotchney:** wtf don’t say that

**crotchney:** we’d feel it in our hearts 

**SuperShayne:** That’s super fucking cheesy 

**crotchney:** >:( 

**SuperShayne:** And no to lasercorn 

**sohinkadink:** huh 

 

7:54 PM 

**sohinkadink** _ created a new groupchat  _

**sohinkadink** _added_ **tacohashi** , **The Jovenshire** , **crotchney** , **SuperShayne** , **Wes!!!!, eight, Keith Leak Jr, FLitz,** _and_ **urdad** _to new groupchat_

**The Jovenshire:** What the fuck is this 

**sohinkadink** _renamed new groupchat_ ** _DON’T ADD LASERCORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!_**

**Wes!!!!:** Y?

**The Jovenshire:** Why 

**sohinkadink:** patience, kids 

**SuperShayne:** Bitch that’s still my thing 

**Keith Leak Jr:** Im not saying it 

**Keith Leak Jr:** But why tf do we have a secret chat 

**crotchney:** ????? 

**sohinkadink:** okay

**tacohashi:** okay???

**crotchney:** okay.

**Keith Leak Jr:** Ms. steal yo girl right there 

**The Jovenshire:** We’re waiting….. 

**SuperShayne:** You type so slowly god

**sohinkadink:** so l-corn is (obviously) not responding to our texts, but he’s been active on ig, which he never uses, so i used my super sohinki detective skills™ to try and figure out what the actual fuck he’s doing. the only reason why he’d use it is to talk to someone that’s important to him bc he thinks ig is pointless and stupid, and he’s not talking to any of us (he’s actually ignoring our messages) so this is someone else important (maybe even more important than us?????????????)

**SuperShayne:** Im not reading all that shit 

**crotchney:** are you thinking what Im thinking

**The Jovenshire:** That sohinki feels threatened? 

**crotchney:** wtf no did you read the thing 

**sohinkadink:** ^^^^^ what she said 

**sohinkadink:** tl;dr lasercorn is secretly dating/has a crush on someone 

**Wes!!!!:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**tacohashi:** i mean that’s great and all 

**tacohashi:** but 

**tacohashi:** lcorn is ace aro right? 

**crotchney:** probs, but he never put a label on it soooooo 

**The Jovenshire:** But can you imagine lasercorn in a relationship 

**SuperShayne:** No

**Wes!!!!:** No

**The Jovenshire:** Exactly 

**sohinkadink:** ugh we need to meet up and talk irl 

**sohinkadink:** mari, can we meet at your apartment

**tacohashi:** my parents are using the living room so i mean no unless you want to squeeze in my room or sit in the parking lot 

**Wes!!!!:** U guys can come 2 my place! My mom is on a date so we hav the house 2 ourselves

**sohinkadink:** sweet 

**tacohashi:** good shit go౦ԁ sHit thats  some good shit right th  ere right there if i do ƽaү so my selｆ  i say so  thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ НO0ОଠＯOOＯOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ Good shit

**sohinkadink:** has anyone ever told you to FUCKIGN STOP 

**crotchney:** #marhinki

* * *

 

“Okay, what the fuck are we here for?” Joven whined, sprawled over one of the three couches in Wes’ living room. He grunted when Mari jammed her foot into his side, a silent yet very obvious demand to move over. 

Sohinki sat properly on the couch facing Joven’s, his hands clasped in his lap in a fidgety way that showed his excitement through his formal demeanor. “Patience, kids,” he said with a cheeky smile (this earned an indignant exclamation from both Shayne and Keith, for two completely different reasons). “Olivia is making popcorn,” Sohinki explained, as if that was the one and only reason that the Smosh family minus Lasercorn was gathered in Wes’ living room. 

Wes brightened at the prospect of popcorn. He probably would’ve genuinely thought that Sohinki rounded everyone up for microwavable popcorn if he hadn’t been keeping up with the groupchat. 

Noah frowned slightly, perched on the arm of an armchair. “We could debate the ethics of having secret meetings behind Lasercorn’s back and all, but just logic wise I don’t like the feeling of it.” He drew absentminded circles on Keith’s hand with his thumb, which he was discreetly holding. “I mean, have you seen how resourceful that guy is? I’m surprised he hasn’t already found out about this!” 

“Yeah, I’m not sure how I feel about it either,” Courtney added uncertainly. “Still, it’s nothing ill-intended, so I don’t think it’s anything that would bother him, right?” She shifted on the couch that Sohinki also sat on, uncomfortable with hiding something from her friend.

Noah spoke up again. “Yeah, but have you seen that guy angry?” He didn’t need to elaborate, everyone had either experienced it first hand or vowed to never experience it first hand after hearing the stories that just might have been a little sensationalised. 

Keith leaned closer to Noah in a way that was so subtle it was most likely unintentional. “You worry too much, I’m sure he won’t care,” he sounded confident about this, so Noah believed him. 

He gave Keith a little smile and proceeded to apologise for his overreaction. 

No one would accept Noah’s apology, because he had nothing to apologise for. It quickly became a competition to see who could come up with the most outrageous reason for not accepting Noah’s apology, and as this continued, Noah’s apology became more and more extreme. He was in the middle of apologising to Mari for killing her parents with nothing but a fork and a spoon when Olivia walked in with popcorn. 

She stopped in her tracks, though still careful not to allow pieces of popcorn to escape what could only be described as the tub she held. Olivia made a screechy sound in the back of her throat that could somewhat be comprehended as a high-pitched “what?”, while her face scrunched up as if she just bit into a lemon. No one knew exactly why this was her immediate reaction; Olivia was still a mystery. 

Wes and Courtney both raised their arms up towards Olivia, not having a second thought on her strange reaction. Wes couldn’t stop his hands from flailing excitedly as he reached for the popcorn with a small yelp of glee at the prospect of microwavable food. Courtney, on the other hand, motioned for Olivia to take a seat on the floor in between her legs. 

Olivia passed the popcorn to Shayne, who in turn passed it down to Wes, who happily shoved handfuls into his mouth with a quiet (but nonetheless elated)  _ nomnomnomnom _ . Olivia moved to go sit in front of Courtney, taking out her loose bun so her girlfriend could play with her hair. As Mari filled Olivia in on why Noah was apologising for brutally killing her parents, the Smosh family got caught up once more in their ridiculous game. Even Joven stopped bugging Sohinki to tell him what was going on with Lasercorn, and instead indulged in pretending to get offended over Noah’s apology for accidentally using his credit card to buy a year’s income worth of sex toys. 

Time was unreliable when the friends were together. Seconds melted into minutes, which then melted into hours, all in what seemed to be only seconds worth of time. Before they knew it, Wes had somehow already consumed half of the popcorn that was now cold, there were empty beer bottles littering the floor, Keith was asleep on the couch, Courtney and Olivia had disappeared into the kitchen, and there was a movie playing that was actively being ignored with a competitive drinking game of truth or dare. 

But most noticeably, Wes’ mom was back from her date. It was 10:14, and she stepped into her house with a small sigh. She was hanging up her jacket when she heard faint laughter down the hall from the foyer area. “Wesley?” She shouted in the general direction of the chatter. He probably invited his friends over, knowing his mother wasn’t home, and she was giving him a warning, because she was tired and didn’t want to deal with whatever they were doing. 

In the living room, Wes suddenly froze. His friends around him continued on with their game, laughing and sipping on their drinks, oblivious to the change in atmosphere. Wes quickly hushed them, and cautiously called out. “Mom?” 

Everyone froze. Noah silently reached for the remote and muted the TV. 

“I’m home!” A faint voice shouted back. 

Chaos broke in the quietest way possible. Wes moved first, collecting beer bottles from around the room as fast as he could, muttering  _ shit, shit, shit _ under his breath the entire time. Noah, Shayne, and Joven followed his lead, hiding the evidence behind various pieces of furniture. Flitz went to wake Keith, and Sohinki grabbed the half-empty tub of popcorn. 

Wes suddenly stopped after shoving several bottles underneath an armchair. “Where the fuck are Olivia and Courtney?” He whisper-shouted, even though it definitely wasn’t necessary. His house was large enough that he probably could barely have been heard even if he were yelling. 

“Didn’t they say they were making cake in the kitchen?” Mari ran a hand through her hair, trying to remember through the fog of alcohol. Her words were slightly slurred, enough that it would be obvious to anyone who wasn’t stupid. 

Wes looked as if he was about to scream. “Shit, shit,  _ shit, _ ” he muttered. “Well, someone needs to find them,” he didn’t volunteer, and went back to placing bottles behind a bookshelf. 

Sohinki moved towards the direction of the kitchen, before hesitating. “Um, Mari should probably go. Just in case, you know, they were having sexy times.” 

“Sexy times,” Wes muttered under his breath, almost in disbelief. Exasperated, he flapped his hand towards the exit. “Okay, sure, Mari, you go. But if you see my mom, do not talk to her!” He said the last part as if every word was a separate sentence, like “Do! Not! Talk! To! Her!” 

Mari disappeared down the hallway, and everyone else scampered around, making sure that there was no more evidence of alcohol. When Wes heard his mom’s heels against the tiles, he silently, though nonetheless in a panic, motioned for his friends to sit around the TV. As Wes’ mom walked into the living room, Shayne initiated a round of laughter that seemed pretty genuine. Point for the theater kids. 

Wes turned around, and his eyes lit up as if he just realised his mom was home. “Oh!” He sounded too excited, and Keith gave him a subtle  _ look. _ Wes forced a smile, correcting his tone. “Hey mom. How was the date?” Wes knew he couldn’t act for shit (that’s why he played the trombone), so he diverted the conversation to something he didn’t need to lie about. 

Wes’ mom gave the friends a sweet smile, playing along. “Oh, it was pretty damn awful.” She didn’t look upset about it at all. Instead, she pushed on. “Anyways, what were you guys doing?” The question sounded like a test. 

There was only one thing to do. Lie. 

Wes started to explain, but Noah interrupted him. “Ms. Johnson! Good to see you!” He gave her a charming smile, “We were just discussing our friend’s love life, we think he may have a girlfriend.” This was in fact, the purpose of the gathering. This however, was not what happened. 

Ms. Johnson nodded, though anyone could tell she didn’t believe him. “You guys weren’t drinking, were you?” She raised an eyebrow. This was the true test. 

The friends passed it with flying colors and a too-loud chorus of no’s and forced laughs. That was all Ms. Johnson wanted to hear, whether she believed it or not. She was an experienced mother, she knew when things were getting dangerous, and when teenagers were just being teenagers. 

“So, um, the date,” Wes quickly steered the conversation away from alcohol. 

Ms. Johnson sighed, “It turns out he wasn’t actually a doctor and he just got divorced less than a month ago.” She sat down on one of the couches, “Whatever, he had a shitty personality anyways.” She sighed again. “Now this is just depressing, which friend were you guys talking about?” She leaned forwards, propping her head up on a fist, seeming genuinely interested. “Of course, if you don’t mind talking about it.”

Noah was taken aback at how  _ awesome  _ Wes’ mom was. “Oh! It’s Laser- uh, David. We think David might have a girlfriend.” 

Ms. Johnson looked up for a moment, thinking. She was like a mother of too many children, and she loved them all, despite the fact that she could barely keep straight who was who. “Ah! Yes, David.” She looked triumphant, but quickly her face scrunched up in confusion. “David?” She looked at her son. “Didn’t you tell me that he was aromantic? Also, where are the girls?” The last question was directed at everyone. 

“Uh, they’re in the kitchen making cake.” Sohinki said, wishing that making cake sounded less like making babies. 

“Um, right. And about Lasercorn- erm, David, that’s what we were all thinking too!” Joven pulled a Wes, quickly changing the topic. “But Sohi- Matt.  _ Matt _ had some ideas about that that he shared with us. That’s actually what we were talking about.” 

Ms. Johnson nodded with a little “Mhm?”, looking at Joven for the spectacular evidence. 

Joven, however, didn’t know this spectacular evidence. No one but Sohinki did, actually, because instead of talking about it, the friends may just have been playing a drinking game. Joven tried to discreetly look at Sohinki, silently screaming at him to  _ start talking _ ! 

Sohinki gave Joven a small shake of the head, his eyes exasperatedly saying  _ are you crazy?!?  _ and the silence stretched on. When it became a bit too obvious that they weren’t actually talking about Lasercorn’s love life, Joven decided just to make up some evidence. At the same time, however, Wes spoke up, trying to partially come clean. When they realised they were going down two completely different paths, they both quickly silenced.

Ms. Johnson squinted. “Is something going on here?” 

The friends chorused back a negative, too loud and too casual. 

Ms. Johnson looked like she was going to bring alcohol up once more, but thank the heavens, Courtney chose this moment to come back. Everyone noticed how she was no longer wearing makeup, except for Ms. Johnson, who didn’t see her come in with makeup. Instead, she grinned at Courtney, opening her arms. “Courtney! It’s been too long,” she greeted.

Courtney smiled innocently, hugging Ms. Johnson. “How are you?” She was Ms. Johnson’s favourite, and everyone knew it. It definitely was hard to dislike Courtney, who always seemed to be cheerful and upbeat. 

Ms. Johnson sighed once more, shaking her head once more. “Please, let’s not talk about it. Where are the other two lovely ladies?”

Courtney was prepared for this question, and she answered without a pause. “Oh, they’re just cleaning the kitchen.” Everyone knew this was really meant that Mari was helping Olivia look like she wasn’t just making out with her girlfriend in the kitchen, but the way she said it was so convincing they almost believed that Mari and Olivia were just cleaning up the kitchen. 

“Oh no, no, you don’t need to do that!’ Ms. Johnson started to get up, but Courtney quickly assured her it was fine, they liked cleaning up anyways (which may have been the biggest lie she’s ever told). Ms. Johnson eventually settled back down, and addressed Courtney about something else. “Your friends were just telling me about how you guys think David is dating a young lady?” 

Courtney gave a small “Oh!”, and she then immediately turned to Sohinki. “Yeah, I think Matt would love to tell you about it, because he’s the one who first came up with the idea. Yeah,  _ Matt _ ?” Despite being cheerful and upbeat, she grew up with six siblings, so she was pretty experienced with being terrifying. 

Sohinki quickly started talking, smiling nervously at Courtney. “Yes! Of course! Sounds good!” He stopped for a moment to breathe and to adjust his tone so it didn’t sound as forced. “Um, so we haven’t heard from Las- I mean, David the entire day, which is really weird as it is, since we’re gross and always talking to each other.” 

Joven said something in objection, but Sohinki spoke over him, pressing on. “And this past week, have you guys noticed how much David has been working on his ‘chem project’?” He used air quotes around “chem project”. He then realised the way he phrased his question made it sound like he didn’t have this conversation yet, so he quickly tried to fix it. “Um, of course they did notice it, because we were just talking about it, but I was just asking it again to simulate the experience more for Ms. Johnson. Yeah, um,” he trailed off. 

“You were at chem project…” Courtney prompted, seeming exasperated with Sohinki’s lack of ability to act. 

Sohinki immediately perked up again. “Yes! Right. Anyways, so he’s been doing a lot of work on this ‘chem project’, which is weird, because Laser- David never works on his chem projects. He never works on any sort of project, to be honest. But I didn’t really think too much of it, because he probably was just trying to not fail chem, because that would suck. But he hasn’t been responding to our texts, and what’s even weirder is that he’s definitely been on his phone. He’s been active on Instagram  _ and  _ Twitter, which are both apps that he thinks are stupid. He was liking a bunch of memes, so I was thinking that he was probably sending someone memes on Instagram and Twitter. It wasn’t any of us, so it must’ve been someone he finds even more important than us, and the only person I could imagine being more important than his best friends would be a significant other.” 

Everyone was taken aback, although they tried not to show it, because they supposedly already were told this information. 

Ms. Johnson spoke first, because no one else was sure what to say. “Are you hurt?” She asked, seeming genuinely concerned. 

“What?” Sohinki automatically responded in confusion. 

“About your friend finding someone who he thinks is more important than you guys. His friends.” Ms. Johnson clarified. 

The notion was so bizarre that Sohinki laughed out loud. It sounded a bit like a scoff, and he quickly apologised. “I didn’t mean for that to sound rude, sorry, but no, no, of course not! It’s natural to love some people more than others. I mean, I love all of you guys, but if I had to choose someone to spend the rest of my life with, I’d choose Mari in a heartbeat, you know?” 

Courtney  _ aww _ -ed, and Sohinki quickly spoke up again. “Don’t you dare tell her I said that, though.” 

“And you say we’re the sappy ones,” Keith muttered under his breath, earning laughs from both Noah and Flitz. 

Ms. Johnson nodded thoughtfully. “That’s sweet. You guys should try and figure out who this special young lady is.” 

Noah politely corrected her. “We’re not sure if it’s actually a girl or not, sorry for misleading you. I’m as LGBT as you can get, but I guess I said girlfriend because I’m still used to being heteronormative, sorry about that again.” He apologised. 

Ms. Johnson smiled. “We could all afford to rid ourselves of some more heteronormativity, and we’re all working on it, so it’s perfectly fine.” 

She leaned forwards, with a glint of mischief in her eyes. “I have an idea. You should invite David over tomorrow, and if he agrees to come, which I doubt he will, you can just address him upfront about it. But if he doesn’t, you should ask him why, and where he would be. I don’t think he’d actually lie to you about it, because he might be hiding the fact that he’s dating someone since he’s embarrassed, but also that boy can’t lie for his life. So then you guys will know what time he’ll be there, and you can figure out who it is and if he’s actually dating someone!” She sounded pleased with her plan, which she should be, it was pretty genius to be thought of so quickly. 

Everyone was taken aback by how  _ awesome  _ she was, but Joven spoke up first. “And I thought you were going to tell us to just talk to him.” 

Ms. Johnson winked at him, “But where would the fun in that be?” 

Joven looked a bit dazed. 

Ms. Johnson stood up. “Alright, I’m going to bed soon, so I’ll see you tomorrow, Wes. You guys should probably get home soon, it’s fairly late.” She gave Wes a peck on the forehead and then left to go upstairs. 

They waited until she was out of earshot, and then Courtney let out a breath. “I need to go check on Olivia and Mari,” she exhaled. 

Flitz laughed. “They missed out on so much.” 

“Mari’s gonna be so pissed,” Keith agreed. 

Sohinki whistled, “Guess you fucked Olivia too hard, amirite?” He raised up a hand for a high-five, mocking the stereotypical straight white male. Shayne played along, giving him five while laughing the typical douchebag laugh. 

“Ew, what the fuck guys,” Courtney said with disgust, although she was laughing a bit, too. “I would never have sex with someone in Wes’ kitchen, that’s disgusting. That’s like… having sex in your mom’s bed, or something.” She gave a little shrug. “We were just kissing a bit, it was all good and pure.” 

Mari walked in at that moment, pushing Olivia in front of her. “Yeah, right. Is  _ this _ ,” she pointed at Olivia’s neck, “What you call  _ pure _ ?” 

Olivia rolled her eyes, unapologetically bearing several forming bruises down her neck. Wes covered his eyes, and almost everyone turned to stare at Courtney. 

She shrugged again, “Sorry not sorry, I love my girlfriend.” 

Mari flopped down onto the couch that Ms. Johnson was previously sitting on. “So, fill me in,” she instructed, resting her legs on the arm of the couch. 

Courtney needed to drive Olivia home to her strict curfew parents, so they quickly left, Courtney promising that she’ll tell Olivia what happened. 

Joven looked at Wes, and spoke for the first time since Ms. Johnson left. “Your mom is pretty hot,” he said. 

Wes attacked him with an onslaught of decorative pillows. 

* * *

7:08 AM

_ groupchat:  _ **_DON’T ADD LASERCORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ **

**Wes!!!!:** Does any1 hav 1st period w lasercorn??

**Wes!!!!:** Bc I think we should ask him abt coming over in person so he cant lie

**Wes!!!!:** But we shouldnt ask him in the morning bc there’s too many of us 

**crotchney:** No, sry 

**sohinkadink:** no, but mari has 2nd per lit with him 

**sohinkadink:** but she drank too much for a school night so i don’t think she’ll make 2nd per 

**eight:** I have period 5A lunch with him 

**FLitz:** Don’t you have band with him, Wes? 

**Wes!!!!:** Yea, that’s 4th period 

**The Jovenshire:** I havve robotics wiht him affter school 

**crotchney:** Are u driving?

**The Jovenshire:** Wtf

**The Jovenshire:** No

**eight:** (He just sucks at texting) 

**The Jovenshire:** Hru

**The Jovenshire:** *JEy!

**The Jovenshire:** *Het

**The Jovenshire:** H E Y ! 

**eight:** Point proven 

**Wes!!!!:** I dont think shayne or keith hav any classes w lasercorn 

**Wes!!!!:** Idk abt olivia but Ill talk 2 him in band 

**The Jovenshire:** Coop

**The Jovenshire:** I mean coop 

**sohinkadink:** jesus christ

**The Jovenshire:** *Coop

**The Jovenshire:** COOL 

**The Jovenshire:** Jeromey Christ

**eight:** Who is Jeromey

**The Jovenshire: *** Jewuss Christ 

**sohinkadink:** here we go again 

**SuperShayne:** PRAISE OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JEROMEY HALLELUJAH 

**Wes!!!!:** Ok then Ill c u guys in a few!! 

**SuperShayne:** JEROMEY DIED FOR OUR SINS 

**sohinkadink:** PRAISE 

**tacohashi:** TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND AND GIVE YOUR SOUL TO JEROMEY 

**eight:** I’M JEWISH BUT THIS IS MY TRUE CALLING PRAISE 

**crotchney:** WOOOO HELL YEAH JEROMEY 

**eight:** *HEAVEN YEAH 

**crotchney:** **HEAVEN YEAH 

**sohinkadink:** HEAVEN YEAH 

**tacohashi:** HEAVEN YEAH 

**SuperShayne:** HEAVEN YEAH, KIDS 

**Wes!!!!:** Clearly none of u love me bye 

 

11:32 AM

_ groupchat:  _ **_DON’T ADD LASERCORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ **

**Wes!!!!:** Ok guys!!!!!!!!!!

**Wes!!!!:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**sohinkadink:** calm down jesus christ 

**tacohashi:** yes????????????????

**Wes!!!!:** I talked 2 lasercorn 

**eight:** ….and..? 

**Wes!!!!:** I said there’s going 2 b a hangout at my place at 6:30 

**Wes!!!!:** And he said he had his chem project!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**crotchney:** Wooooahhhhh 

**The Jovenshire:** Holy shit your mom was right 

**sohinkadink:** where where where where is it?????? 

**tacohashi:** (who needs to calm down now, huh?) 

**Wes!!!!:** Yea I asked him where it was 

**sohinkadink:** ((stfu binch)) 

**Wes!!!!:** And he turned super red and said the local mcdonalds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

**eight:** Do you think he was telling the truth?

**crotchney:** Well duh

**sohinkadink:** don’t duh him, he’s got a point biNCH 

**crotchney:** Ok wow, jeez, im so sorry, jesus jeromey christ heavens 

**SuperShayne:** HEAVEN YEAH 

**tacohashi:** i’ve gotta go with courtney here 

**tacohashi:** l-corn can’t lie to save his life 

**The Jovenshire:** Yeah, Im with the ladies here but 

**tacohashi:** who tf you calling a lady 

**The Jovenshire:** He did apparently get super flustered so he could be lying 

**Wes!!!!:** Why would he lie 2 me tho???

**SuperShayne:** bc you suCK 

**crotchney:** Stfu shayne 

**crotchney:** Yea, i don’t think lasercorn would lie to wes abt this 

**eight:** But he lied about the chemistry project… 

**crotchney:** But we’re friends

**crotchney:** Also u don’t know if he’s lying abt it or not 

**eight:** I mean despite what we all think, you don’t know until you try, right? 

**sohinkadink:** yeah no harm in going 

**sohinkadink:** sounds like a plan? 

**tacohashi:** kapeesh 

**Wes!!!!:** Yeaaa!!!!!!!

**eight:** Kapeesh x2

**The Jovenshire:** Kapeesh x3 

**SuperShayne:** cool, kids 

**FLitz:** Sounds good to me 

**crotchney:** Kapeesh x4 and 5 (olivia’s my +1)

**Keith Leak Jr:** I’m down 

**sohinkadink:** it’s a plan

**sohinkadink:** now get the fuck off of your phones and pay attention, you barbarians 

**eight:** Yeah, because you’re not on your phone or anything 

**sohinkadink:** yeah, but there’s this cool thing called i’m older than you so shut up 

**crotchney:** I can’t believe ur going into college next yr

**crotchney:** I swear ur actually ten 

**tacohashi:** ten is pretty generous, i’d say seven or under

**sohinkadink:** SHUT UP AND GO LEARN 

 

1:57 PM

_ groupchat:  _ **_DON’T ADD LASERCORN_ ** **_!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ **

**Wes!!!!:** Wait guys 

**Wes!!!!:** Should we say smth in the gc so lasercorn doesnt get suspicious 

**crotchney:** Oh, thats a good idea 

**tacohashi:** yeah, i was thinking that too 

**eight:** What do we talk about?

**SuperShayne:** I have rehearsals so i won’t be there to talk about me, so talk about me for me 

**eight:** No thanks 

**SuperShayne:** That’s not what you said last night amirite ;;;-)))))))

**crotchney:** Jesus christ shayne 

**Wes!!!!:** That’s disgusting wtf !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**sohinkadink:** wow noah do you have something you need to confess?

**eight:** On the noah grossout scale, that’s a solid 10 out of 10, repulsive 

**SuperShayne:** You wish you could get some of this ;;;;;-)))))))))))))))) ;;;;;;;---))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

**tacohashi:** oOoooOOoOoOoh i am living for this ## d raMA 

**eight:** I’m going to need the bucket of shame 

**crotchney:** SHAAAAMME 

**Wes!!!!:** SHAAAAAAME 

**sohinkadink:** SHAAAAAAAME 

**tacohashi:** SHAAAAAAAAAME 

**SuperShayne:** Ok no seriously i need to go now

**SuperShayne:** Talk about me xxxx 

 

2:03 PM

_ groupchat:  _ **_SMOSH >>_ **

**crotchney:** Shayne sucks 

**eight:** I agree

**tacohashi:** he’s so obsessed with himself bc he can’t impress anyone else 

**crotchney:** daaaaayum

**Keith Leak Jr:** Oooh, tell ‘em 

**The Jovenshire:** He cant get a girlfriend because he sucks 

**sohinkadink:** wow what a roast 

**sohinkadink:** he probably jacks off to a picture of himself 

**Wes!!!!:** Now  _ that’s  _ more like it 

**crotchney:** He probably spends an hour doing his hair in the morning 

**The Jovenshire:** And it still looks like SHIT

**Keith Leak Jr:** His fashion sense is so bad 

**urdad:** he just wears the same shirt everyday 

**crotchney:** Oliviaaa!!! :D 

**urdad:** hi!!!!!

**eight:** He’s the reason why his parents’ marriage broke up 

**tacohashi:** jesus christ 

**Keith Leak Jr:** WOAH WOAH WOAH 

**crotchney:** Noah omg wtf 

**tacohashi:** that would be super fucked up if his parents really were divorced 

**Keith Leak Jr:** This just got too real 

**eight:** (but his parents aren’t even divorced) 

**Keith Leak Jr:** Still, this is too fucking sad and  _ mean  _

**Keith Leak Jr:** Is this really what you guys do for fun 

**eight:** Yeah

**sohinkadink:** yeah

**Keith Leak Jr:** Well I’m not an asshole

**Keith Leak Jr:** We love ya shayne!!! 

**urdad:** yea! you’re really funny and we love you 

**crotchney:** MUAH MUAH MUAH 

**tacohashi:** damn you juniors are sappy as shit

**tacohashi:** but we love you all anyways 

**The Jovenshire:** This is too positive for me, Im uncomfortable 

**LASERCORN:** What the fuck is going on 

**Wes!!!!:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**sohinkadink:** wes stop 

**sohinkadink:** we were telling shayne he sucked but then the juniors got all sappy 

**LASERCORN:** …..okay…

**LASERCORN:** well you sUCK SHAYNE 

**The Jovenshire:** That’s more like it 

**LASERCORN:** Is that all I missed 

**sohinkadink:** basically

**LASERCORN:** Well this is boring as shit so I’m leaving 

**sohinkadink:** okay

**crotchney:** byeee 

**The Jovenshire:** Have fun ;) 

**LASERCORN:** …..what is that supposed to mean 

**The Jovenshire:** Nothing 

 

6:01 PM 

_ groupchat:  _ **_DON’T ADD LASERCORN_ ** **_!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ **

**sohinkadink:** so how are we doing this 

**Wes!!!!:** Idk, but we should only need 2 cars 

**tacohashi:** um no, my truck only holds three people 

**tacohashi:** so three cars

**Wes!!!!:** We can’t take ur truck

**Wes!!!!:** It’s too obvious

**The Jovenshire:** You can ride in my car

**tacohashi:** i’m not going in that piece of shit 

**tacohashi:** i wouldn’t be found dead in that, and knowing joven, i’d probably be dead by the end of the night 

**crotchney:** u can ride with me 

**urdad:** I’ll be there too!!

**tacohashi:** …...okay 

**tacohashi:** ……. 

**Wes!!!!:** We cant take joven’s car

**Wes!!!!:** It’s too obvious

**The Jovenshire:** What are you talking about?

**Wes!!!!:** That car is literally falling apart 

**Wes!!!!:** Courtney’s car will work though 

**crotchney:** bc it’s basic af 

**sohinkadink:** i could drive the other car 

**Wes!!!!:** Ok, can u take ur mom’s 

**sohinkadink:** no, we’re fighting bc my dad wants to try and send me to conversion therapy again and she’s fighting him and there’s a lot of fighting and now we’re fighting 

**crotchney:** :( Im sorry, that sucks, ily 

**tacohashi:** you know you can always stay with me for a few nights 

**tacohashi:** <3 

**Wes!!!!:** That really sucks, Ill bring u some cake tonight if it can cheer u up a bit

**The Jovenshire:** ^^ what he said, except with weed 

**sohinkadink:** thanks guys 

**sohinkadink:** yes to the cake, yes to the weed except maybe not tonight bc this is about lasercorn’s love life and not getting high 

**sohinkadink:** you can go back to planning for tonight, it’s okay 

**Wes!!!!:** R u sure

**sohinkadink:** crystal clear folks 

**Wes!!!!:** Ok

**urdad:** You can take keith’s car

**urdad:** I’m with him rn and he says it’s ok 

**urdad:** He’ll drive it to ur place and then u can go around picking people up

**Wes!!!!:** Ok, so courtney, olivia, and mari will b in courtney’s car

**Wes!!!!:** And keith and sohinki will be in keith’s car

**tacohashi:** joven basically lives next to me, so he can come with us 

**crotchney:** I’m rly close to wes, so I can pick him up as well 

**sohinkadink:** so that leaves shayne, flitz, and noah for me to pick up 

**Wes!!!!:** Is that good? 

**sohinkadink:** sounds like a plan 

**SuperShayne:** yup 

**FLitz:** Positive from me 

**eight:** Yeah 

**crotchney:** Should we get walkie talkies or smth and be spies

**Wes!!!!:** ……….

**Wes!!!!:** That’s literally what our phones r for 

**crotchney:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aO3Gb5mkwTc ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aO3Gb5mkwTc)

* * *

 

“Hey, can you hear us?” Noah spoke into his phone, with Sohinki, Keith, Flitz, and Shayne huddled around in Keith’s hand-me-down Toyota. He sat squished in the backseat between Shayne and Flitz, his feet awkwardly crossed due to the limited space. 

“Yeah, we’re good,” Courtney’s voice came through the phone, too pitchy and staticky, but nonetheless there. Her silver Honda Civic was parked around the corner of the local McDonald’s, so that the two cars combined had a full view of Lasercorn, who was sitting in the corner next to two large windows. 

Keith turned back towards the windshield, trying to get a better view of Lasercorn’s company from the generously hidden parking spot. The pros to having a hidden parking spot was that Lasercorn was much less likely to notice them casually spying. The cons, however, to having a hidden parking spot was that you couldn’t see shit. 

“They’re definitely black,” he reported, “And they’re definitely there.” 

Mari’s voice came through the phone. “Well, no shit, Sherlock.” 

“I’m pretty sure it’s a girl,” Olivia added. 

Shayne leaned forwards toward the phone. “The thing is,” he paused for dramatic effect. “That really doesn’t matter. What really matters is,” another pause for dramatic effect. “Do they look like they’re gonna fuck or not?” 

Flitz laughed, accompanied by Sohinki’s chuckles and mechanical-sounding laughter from the phone. 

Everyone studied the vague figures of Lasercorn and the mystery person. They didn’t particularly  _ look  _ like they had anything going on. It wasn’t like they were making out in a booth or anything. But then again, it wasn’t like anyone was expecting anything in that genre that from David “love-doesn’t-exist” Moss. 

They were both bent over a mass of papers, spread all over the table in front of them. The mystery person sipped on- presumably- a soda, while watching Lasercorn animatedly point something out on one of the papers, a slight tilt to their head. Courtney thought she saw a slight smile on their lips, but then again she was too far to determine whether it was wishful thinking or not. 

“I don’t know about you,” Mari turned from the passenger seat to face Wes, who held the phone. “But they look like they fucking love each other.” 

Courtney nodded excitedly. “Yeah, definitely,” she agreed. 

When Mari turned back to observe, Lasercorn was laughing, his head slightly thrown back. The mystery person (who was now definitely a female, Olivia added) was presumably speaking, their hands cupped around the soda. 

“Yeah,” Sohinki chimed in. “I wasn’t sure at first, but they’re definitely in love. Have you ever seen him laugh like that?” He peered around the steering wheel, trying to get a better view. 

Keith doubtfully hmmed. “I dunno guys, I’m all about true love, but-” 

He was interrupted by everyone losing their shit. 

Lasercorn had his hand cupped on mystery person’s cheek. 

“Holy shit,” Keith whispered in disbelief. 

This was echoed by many shrieks of “holy shit”; it was impossible to tell who yelled what, because everyone was yelling and the only sound coming through the phone was a steady distorted static of voices. 

It still wasn’t making out in the booths scandalous, but for Lasercorn, he might as well conceive a child on the table. 

“Oh my god, oh my god,” Keith kept on repeating. “I thought you guys were just making shit up for the drama, but this,” he gestured towards Lasercorn, who was now back to looking at the papers, “This is happening.” 

The friends stopped screaming long enough for Courtney’s voice to make it through the phone. “See, I told you guys he wasn’t lying about the chemistry project!” 

Joven’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he was able to speak. “ _ Lasercorn  _ has a girlfriend and I don’t?” He said with half mock offense, and half actual offense. “And to think he’s been telling us all this time that he doesn’t believe in love!” 

“Hey!” Mari objected. “Don’t bash the dude, it’s not easy to be in the middle of a divorce at a young age! Of course he didn’t believe in love,” she turned around to face the backseat to give Joven a smack on the knee. 

For the rest of the evening, the friends continued to observe Lasercorn and his mystery person. There were no more displays of romance, but the friends over-interpreted every single action the two made, so that almost everything became a display of romance. When Lasercorn’s mystery person got up to leave, Courtney and Sohinki peeled out of the parking lot of as fast as they could without looking conspicuous. 

The friends stayed on speakerphone for the rest of their respective rides home, sporadically losing their shit once more over this new piece of information on their friend.  

* * *

 

6:55 AM

_ groupchat:  _ **_DON’T ADD LASERCORN_ ** **_!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ **

**crotchney:** ok guys 

**crotchney:** are we talking to lasercorn abt….. 

**sohinkadink:** um are you crazy??? no>???????

**crotchney:** ok but we should 

**The Jovenshire:** No! We have to spy on him more first 

**crotchney:** that’d be fun but i dunno…… 

**sohinkadink:** we’ll take a vote 

**crotchney:** ugh no u’re going to win 

**sohinkadink:** lol sucks to suck 

**eight:** For what it’s worth, I agree with courtney 

**SuperShayne:** good to know it’s worth jack shit 

**eight:** fuk u 

**Wes!!!!:** So we dont talk abt last night 

**sohinkadink:** right

**SuperShayne:** what happens in the mcdonald’s parking lot stays in the mcdonald’s parking lot, kids 

**SuperShayne:** don’t do drugs 

**tacohashi:** bitch, like you can talk 

**SuperShayne:** um, nO I don’t do drugs because I respect my body 

**SuperShayne:** you guys are disgusting, uncultured swine 

**Wes!!!!:** U literally bought weed off lasercorn two days ago 

**SuperShayne:** excuSE YOU that was a week ago 

**SuperShayne:** plus, basically everyone did 

**crotchney:** whatever helps u sleep at night 

**eight:** Ok stop your fighting and talk in the main groupchat 

 

7:03 AM

_ groupchat:  _ **_SMOSH >> _ **

**crotchney:** good morning guys! 

**Wes!!!!:** Good morning!!! 

**sohinkadink:** does anyone have Ingram for lit bc i need to copy someone’s hw 

**tacohashi:** do you ever do your homework 

**sohinkadink:** uM YES 

**sohinkadink:** i just didn’t do it last night bc 

**Wes!!!!:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

**sohinkadink:** um 

**sohinkadink:** i was at wes’

**eight:** wow, you’re not good at this 

**eight:** that was close 

**Wes!!!!:** Noah STOP

**Wes!!!!:** And no, I have Eastwood for lit 

**crotchney:** I dont, but olivia has Ingram 3rd period 

**sohinkadink:** OLIVIA 

**sohinkadink:** HELP ME OUT 

**LASERCORN:** What is sohinki bad at???? 

**sohinkadink:** oh 

**eight:** Doing his homework 

**LASERCORN:** Oh

**LASERCORN:** …..Okay 

**urdad:** Gm guys!!!!! 

**crotchney:** hellooooooo :) 

**urdad:** :) 

**SuperShayne:** GET A ROOM 

**sohinkadink:** OLIVIA 

**sohinkadink:** CAN YOU PLS SEND ME THE LIT HW 

**urdad:** I didn’t get a chance to do all of it bc

**urdad:** uh 

**urdad:** ignore the bc, that was an accident 

**urdad:** [ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!.jpg ](http://www.soberjulie.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/McDonalds-300x199.jpg)

 

7:10 AM 

_ groupchat:  _ **_DON’T ADD LASERCORN_ ** **_!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ **

**urdad:** sHIT 

**Wes!!!!:** OLIVIA WHAT THE FUCK 

**urdad:** IM SORRY IT WAS AN ACCIDENT FUCK FUCK FUCK

**eight:** OMFG OLIVIA WHAT ARE YOU DOING 

**urdad:** SHIT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT I WAS TRYING TO SEND THE LIT HW 

**crotchney:** omfg

**urdad:** IM FREAKING OUT GUYS 

**Keith Leak Jr:** What the fuck is going on 

**Wes!!!!:** OLIVIA JUST SENT A PICTURE FROM LAST NIGHT TO THE GC 

**Keith Leak Jr:** WTF OLIVIA WHY 

**urdad:** IM SORRY IT WAS AN ACCIDENT 

**urdad:** WHAT DO I DO 

**Wes!!!!:** WELL YOU ALREADY FUCKED UP 

**urdad:** SHIT SHIT SHIT IM GOING TO CRY 

**crotchney:** guys stop it!!!!!!

**crotchney:** it was an accident, any one of us could’ve made the mistake 

**crotchney:** it’s okay, don’t cry 

**SuperShayne:** (CRAFT)

**tacohashi:** shayne literally this is the worst time 

**eight:** I guess he would’ve found out in time anyways 

**urdad:** SHIT HE’S IN THE GC 

 

7:16 AM 

_ groupchat:  _ **_SMOSH >> _ **

**LASERCORN:** ………… 

**LASERCORN:** Why is there a picture of the local mcdonald’s 

**LASERCORN:** ………………… 

**LASERCORN:** Hello??????? 

**LASERCORN:** You aren’t even going to try to lie?? 

**LASERCORN:** …………………………………..

**LASERCORN:** Guys Im not fucking stupid I saw you last night 

**LASERCORN:** You guys suck ass at being stealthy 

**urdad:** are you mad at us? 

**LASERCORN:** No

**LASERCORN:** Im just here to tell you guys you fucking suck 

**crotchney:** were u really working on ur chem project 

**LASERCORN:** Yeah 

**crotchney:** I TOLD YOU GUYS 

**The Jovenshire:** Okay but more importantly 

**The Jovenshire:** WHY THE FUKC DIDN’T YOU TELL US YOU HAD A GIRLFRIEND 

**LASERCORN:** What? 

**LASERCORN:** OH my god you guys are so fucking stupid 

**tacohashi:** excuse me 

**LASERCORN:** That’s fucking disgusting

**LASERCORN:** DId you thiNK Sabrina and I are fucking 

**Wes!!!!:** WAIT that was Sabrina?????? Like history class sabrina????????? 

**LASERCORN:** Chem class sabrina 

**The Jovenshire:** Okay okay okay this is not what’s important 

**The Jovenshire:** _ Of course  _ we thought you and your girlfriend were fucking

**LASERCORN:** ??????????? 

**The Jovenshire:** WHAT????? 

**LASERCORN:** I am appalled at how stupid you are

**LASERCORN:** All of you 

**tacohashi:** excuse me 

**LASERCORN:** I’m literally ace aro wtf this is not news 

**tacohashi:** I FUCKING TOLD YOU GUYS 

**LASERCORN:** Ok you’re less stupid than everyone else 

**tacohashi:** thank

**The Jovenshire:** THEN WHY WERE YOU FACE FUCKIGN HER ON YOUR DATE 

**sohinkadink:** dude that’s kinda gross 

**The Jovenshire:** WHY AREN’T YOU ON MY SIDE 

**tacohashi:** let l-corn speak, jesus 

**LASERCORN:** WE WERE WORKING ON OUR GODDAMN PROJECT 

**LASERCORN:** WE SIT NEXT TO EACH OTHER IN CHEM 

**LASERCORN:** AND I FOUND OUT THAT SHE WAS ALSO ARO A LONG TIME AGO 

**LASERCORN:** SO WE BECAME FRIENDS OVER THAT 

**LASERCORN:** AND WE STARTED WORKING ON THIS CHEM PROJECT A MONTH OR SO AGO, AND SO WE’VE BEEN TALKING A LOT MORE

**LASERCORN:** WE’RE TRYING TO SEE IF WE’RE COMPATIBLE FOR A QPR, JESUS 

**LASERCORN:** IT’S NOT OFFICIAL SO DON’T LOSE YOUR SHIT 

**crotchney:** omfg that’s so cute 

**LASERCORN:** NO IT’S NOT 

**LASERCORN:** WE MOSTLY TALK ABOUT THE MULTIPLE WAYS TO KILL CERTAIN KIDS FROM SCHOOL, IT’S NOT “CUTE” 

**crotchney:** omfg 

**tacohashi:** you guys are literally the high school cliche 

**tacohashi:** cheMISTRY CLASS, HOW CLICHE 

**urdad:** they’re so cute omfg 

**LASERCORN:** WE’RE NOT “CUTE” 

**LASERCORN:** YOU GUYS ARE “CUTE” 

**tacohashi:** did l-corn just call us cute 

**LASERCORN:** IT WAS AN INSULT JESUS CHRIST 

**SuperShayne:** *Jeromey Christ 

**sohinkadink:** HEAVEN YEAH 

**crotchney:** HEAVEN YEAH 

**urdad:** PRAISE

**tacohashi:** HEAVEN YEAH 

**LASERCORN:** I actually hate everyone what the fuck is happening 

**The Jovenshire:** So you two aren’t dating 

**LASERCORN:** NO 

**The Jovenshire:** …….so does this mean that I can still theoretically fuck sabrina bc she’s pretty hot 

**LASERCORN:** YOU CAN THEORETICALLY COME TO MY HOUSE WHERE I WILL PROCEED TO THEORETICALLY CARVE YOUR EYES OUT WITH A SPOON 

**The Jovenshire:** Ok I’ll take that as a no 

**The Jovenshire:** Someone is jealous ;;;;))) 

**LASERCORN:** YOU WISH 

**LASERCORN:** But that’s fucking disgusting, you can’t have sex with my queerplatonic 

**tacohashi:** I thought you said you weren’t official 

**LASERCORN:** ………………………………..we aren’t 

**tacohashi:** then,,,,,,explain???? 

**LASERCORN:** …………………………………………………………………….

**tacohashi:** omfg he thinks she’s his soulmate that’s so fucking cute 

**crotchney:** I platonically ship them so much 

**LASERCORN:** NO I DON’T 

**LASERCORN:** DON’T FUCKING SHIP US 

**LASERCORN:** SHIPS ARE WEAK SHIT 

**LASERCORN:** AT LEAST ATTACK SUBMARINE US 

**tacohashi:** omg get married already 

**crotchney:** I attack submarine them so much 

**crotchney:** [ UEFT1Sub.jpg ](http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/supcom/images/9/93/UEFT1Sub.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20100721030031)

**tacohashi:** [ virginia-class-attack-submarine-008-ts600.jpg ](http://images01.military.com/media/equipment/ships-and-submarines/virginia-class-attack-submarine-ssn/virginia-class-attack-submarine-008-ts600.jpg)

**crotchney:** [ US_Navy_040730-N-1234E-002.jpg ](http://img.scout.com/sites/default/files/2016/02/26/US_Navy_040730-N-1234E-002_PCU_Virginia_\(SSN_774\)_returns_to_the_General_Dynamics_Electric_Boat_shipyard.jpg)

**LASERCORN:** BLOCKED 

**tacohashi:** [ USNavySeawolfSubmarine.jpg ](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/62/USNavySeawolfSubmarine.jpg)

**LASERCORN** _ left the groupchat:  _ **_SMOSH >> _ **

**crotchney:** omfg this is the best day of my life    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip bc ao3 can't handle emojis 
> 
> I'll be updating this fic every other Friday, so stay tuned for that! Unfortunately, I have finals next week, so the next chapter may come out a bit later or be a bit shorter than usual. 
> 
> Like always, feedback and/or suggestions are welcome and appreciated, and you can hmu on tumblr at www.lonelyspacepumpkin.tumblr.com because I spend 94% of my free time there.


	3. i mean we're all fucked up, right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Courtney is worried about Sohinki, and she tells Mari. Mari makes it her mission to help out her stubborn boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry this chapter has taken ages to crank out; mental illness hasn't been very nice to me lately. 
> 
> There's underage marijuana use in this chapter, and it's also a bit angsty. There's mention of an unaccepting family towards someone who came out, it's not described in detail, but it's the main theme. If any of these things make you uncomfortable, please tell me in the comments, and I'll be happy to tell you what happened in this chapter (if you'd like!). 
> 
> If not, sit back and enjoy the chapter!

3:42 AM

_ to:  _ **_crotchney_ **

**sohinkadink:** u have weed right

**sohinkadink:** im coming ovr 

**crotchney:** Um no???? 

**sohinkadink:** what?

**sohinkadink:** oh, sorry 

**sohinkadink:** that was supposed to be for lasercorn 

**sohinkadink:** ignore that 

**crotchney:** Are u ok? 

**sohinkadink:** yeah dont worry about it 

**crotchney:** U can always talk to me 

**sohinkadink:** i’m fine 

**crotchney:** It’s rly late, are u sure u’re fine?

**sohinkadink:** yeah, don’t worry about it i’m serious 

**crotchney:** I can’t come over rn bc of my mom but I can tell mari 

**sohinkadink:** no no no don;t ttell mari pls 

**sohinkadink:** im fine 

**sohinkadink:** just ignore it pls don’ t tell mari 

**crotchney: …….**

**sohinkadink:** seriously, i’m fine 

**crotchney:** Ok 

 

3:50 AM

_ groupchat:  _ **_GALS_ **

**crotchney:** Guys, I dont think sohinki is doing well 

**crotchney:** screenshot(1).jpg 

**crotchney:**  I think it may have to do with the thing with conversion therapy he talked abt earlier, and how his family is fighting a lot bc of it 

**crotchney:** He probably feels awful :( 

**tacohashi:** fuck 

**crotchney:** :( 

**tacohashi:** im going to lasercorns 

**crotchney:** Now?

**tacohashi:** i dont trust lasercorn to take care of sohin 

**tacohashi:** i shoudlve gone earlier to pick him up, he shouldnt be driving 

**tacohashi:** fuck 

**crotchney:** I’m worried abt him too, but doesnt sohinki do this every time he’s upset?

**crotchney:** They’re not going out or anything

**crotchney:** Dont they just smoke weed and play video games?

**tacohashi:** yeah but this is more serious than usual

**tacohashi:** i have to make sure he’s ok  

**tacohashi:** im going now 

**crotchney:** Ok, stay safe xx

* * *

 

“Goddamn, fucking move!” Mari thumped the palm of her right hand against her steering wheel, just centimeters away from the center of impact on the horn of her beloved 1967 Chevrolet truck. It was rugged and worn from age, the stick shift rattled and frequently fell off, there was a crack in the windshield that sharply whistled with incoming air on the highway, the engine roared like an untamed animal, and yet that was what made Mari so in love with it. She was so in love with her truck that she was even able to suppress her anger enough to keep her twitching fingers off of the horn. The last thing she needed now was to draw attention to herself, it was risky enough to be speeding around at four AM, but in her haste to sneak out, she left her driver’s license in the pocket of her favourite bomber jacket. Mari couldn’t stand the idea of her baby being impounded, so she managed by screaming obscenities at those sped less than 10 miles over the speed limit. 

“And to think that there would be no one on this goddamn road at four in the morning! Fucking hell,” she brusquely shoved a stray hair behind her ear, reaching for her phone in the passenger seat to make sure Sohinki didn’t message her back. 

No reply. 

Mari didn’t think he would reply; he was probably incredibly pissed at both her and Courtney for getting involved. Still, she told him to bring his homework. Mari didn’t pride herself in being good at making people feel better, nor did Sohinki have any intention of actually talking, but she sure as hell could make sure he didn’t fail his classes. 

Growing sick of trailing behind the slow driver, Mari stepped on the gas, swerving across the solid yellow line- that clearly was a barrier not to be crossed- to get in front of the damned snail car. This caused the snail car to swerve in surprise, and earned Mari a honk. 

Blinded by annoyance that despite her self-restraint, she was still drawing attention to herself, she instinctively groaned, lifting both hands off the steering wheel in order to flip the driver a double bird, before she realised there was no way they would see it. 

“Fucking hell,” Mari repeated, catching the steering wheel before her truck swerved. She knew she should just hit the gas and go to Sohinki as fast as she could, but she couldn’t help but to be petty. 

Cranking down the manual window as quickly as she could with one hand, she stuck out a hand and flipped the driver a bird where they could see it good and clear. For good measure, she also yelled, “You fucking suck!” into the night before finally peeling out of there. 

As she roughly pulled up onto Lasercorn’s driveway, Mari’s annoyance dwindled down enough for her to feel a twinge of remorse. It could’ve been an old man driving out early to surprise his grandkids or some shit, and she’d just flipped them off and yelled at them. Killing the engine on her truck, Mari muttered a quick “sorry” under her breath, more for herself than anything else. It wasn’t as if anyone else could hear her, and besides, there was no proof whatsoever that the driver was an old man. It could’ve been some annoying fuckboy who deserved it for all she knew. 

Annoyed once more, Mari stormed up to the slick, irritatingly pretentious modern-style front door, ignoring the shiny doorbell and instead pounding upon the wooden surface with her fist. After a few moments, when there was no sign of life from Lasercorn’s house, Mari pounded upon the door again, this time, with even more vigor. 

Even after that, when the door still didn’t open, Mari moved to pound away once more, gathering up some momentum. However, just as she was about to swing, the door slowly slid open with the precision of someone not trying to be noticed. Almost losing her footing, Mari grabbed onto the the side of the door for balance.

Clearing her throat, Mari rocked back and forth on her heels, trying to dignify herself by making it look as if her falter was planned. 

In front of her stood Lasercorn, wearing Pokémon pajamas, tired eyes, and bearing a mug from some sort of medical convention. “Jesus Christ, keep it down, will you?” His voice was deeper than usual, revealing once again his weariness. 

Mari wasn’t impressed with his greeting, granted the fact that it was four in the morning and she sped all the way over to make sure her boyfriend was alright. “I’ll be as loud as I want, thank you very much,” she huffed, pushing past Lasercorn through the doorway. 

Lasercorn grabbed onto the sleeve of Mari’s sweatshirt, so she had to stop and listen to him. “No, seriously, keep it down. Sabrina’s sleeping in the living room.” 

Mari raised her eyebrows, but when she spoke again, her voice was much quieter, and filled with a newfound mischief. “Can I ask why?” She snickered quietly. 

Now it was Lasercorn’s turn to huff. “Fuck off, that’s disgusting. We spent the day at the fair and we’re tired. She fell asleep while we were having a Star Wars marathon.” When he spoke about Sabrina, his mouth quirked just slightly in affection, and his ears tinted pink. 

Both of these things definitely didn’t pass unnoticed by Mari, but she didn’t drive all the way to Lasercorn’s house just to torment him about his relationship with his queerplatonic. “Where’s Sohin?” She asked, tugging at her hoodie string nervously. 

Lasercorn nodded towards the ceiling, before taking a sip from his mug. 

Mari understood it to mean the upstairs game room. “Cool, thanks,” she tried to sound casual. She was pretending that she wasn’t nervous not for Lasercorn, but for herself. Perhaps if she pretended enough, it would become true.

But Mari  _ was  _ nervous. She hated seeing Sohinki in his destructive moods- it might’ve been selfish- but it just tore her apart. Her regular tough-girl persona fell, and she wasn’t so sure she liked what was beneath it. 

“Uh, you know where the game room is, right?” Lasercorn shifted, not entirely sure why Mari wasn’t moving. 

Mari laughed a bit too loudly for it to be genuine. “Oh, yeah, of course.” The atmosphere felt awkward, and it made her even more nervous. Quickly, she tried to repair the way the air hung with conversation. “Uh, what are you drinking?” Mari gestured towards the mug that Lasercorn held. 

Lasercorn tilted it towards Mari so that she could see the deep maroon liquid. “It’s some wine my parents had,” he shrugged. “Pretentious, but Sabrina was a fan of it.” 

This time, Mari’s smirk was more genuine. “Classy,” she commented sarcastically, tapping the nail of her pointer finger against the mug so that it echoed throughout the empty hallways. 

Lasercorn shrugged once more. “I’m not so pretentious to get out my parents’ wine glasses, so mugs it is.” 

Mari gave a weak smile in return. 

He saw through Mari’s facade easily, and reached out to give her a light pat on the shoulder. “Hey, quit stalling. I’m sure Sohinki wouldn’t mind seeing you,” he smiled encouragingly. “I’m assuming you guys don’t want me up there while you talk, so I’ll give you some privacy.” 

Taking a deep breath, Mari nodded, muttering a quick thanks, and made her way to the game room through winding stairs and hallways that made her footsteps linger. Despite the incredible wealth that was displayed in Lasercorn’s house, Mari saw beneath it, and the only thing that was really being displayed was a haunting loneliness. She wasn’t sure how Lasercorn survived in this house alone, with his parents always away for some trip, and no siblings to fill the void.  

She supposed everyone in their friend group was somehow fucked up- rather, everyone in the entire world- and it was comforting as she stared into the open doorway of the game room. 

It was a mess of cables and half-empty bags of candy, and yet, Mari couldn’t help to be blown away by how  _ awesome  _ it was, just like every time she came across it. The walls were covered from the ceiling to the floor with a shadow-box style bookshelf, which seemed to hold the world’s archive of video games. There were two couches that sat back to back in the middle of the room; one was facing a setup of two TVs bolted next to each other, and the other faced a curved-TV, which looked bigger than life when it was turned on. On top of all of that, there was a crazy setup computers in the back corner, where a dark figure was hunched over, seeming to be encompassed by the brightness of the screens. 

Mari took a deep breath, and knocked on the edge of the open doorway, her knuckles making a stiff sound against the frame. 

Sohinki’s shoulders stiffened just slightly underneath his oversized sweatshirt, but Mari could still tell. He chose to ignore her, instead continuing to stare at the screens, clicking away just as furiously as before. A wispy layer of smoke was forming around him, originating from the seemingly abandoned joint that was slowly burning away in an ashtray.

Mari took the silence to be an invitation to walk in, and as she neared the monitors enough to be able to see the action, she immediately knew that his mind was now completely elsewhere. In less than a minute of observing at his shoulder, she watched as Sohinki burned through all of his in-game supplies, halfheartedly fighting back as he was killed. 

With this, he flopped back into his chair, reaching for the joint, and took such a wretchedly deep inhale that tugged at Mari’s insides. Neither one of them had said a word, and yet, she already felt herself becoming undone. 

His exhale was slow and controlled, and his eyes eased shut with the last of his breath. It was such a broken movement that Mari could no longer linger next to him in silence. 

“Matt, you don’t have to do this,” she started, hating how her voice broke. “You don’t need to be so brave, so stubborn. You don’t have to prove anything to them,” she begged, referring to his unaccepting parents. “Your sexuality is your own and you don’t need to prove it to anyone.” Mari sat down in the chair next to Sohinki’s in order to be able to look him in the eyes. “We’re happy, right?”

Sohinki took another inhale from the joint, and briefly met Mari’s eyes. His exhale this time was more of a huff, and he managed the tiniest of smirks. “You’re not all that bad,” he said softly. 

That was more than enough of an answer for Mari. “Exactly! Matt, I love you, and it’s okay to step down in order to be safe,” she sounded like she was begging him, which she basically was doing. 

Mari’s begging wasn’t enough for Sohinki, though. He huffed, looking at the joint in his hand, and snapped, “I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to tell me that trying to come out to my parents was a mistake, and that it’s not too late to back out of it and to pretend I’m straight again.” He turned his eyes towards Mari. “All because I’m dating  _ you _ !” He practically snarled. 

Mari recoiled, although she tried to play it off as if she was rocking back in her seat. She took a shaky breath, and tried not to be hurt. It was just Sohin with a temper, and rightfully so. He didn’t mean to blame her, so there was no reason for there to be hot tears gathering in her eyes, and there was  _ no way  _ she was going to let them spill- 

“Hey,” Sohinki’s soft voice broke through Mari’s determination, and a pair of tears escaped down her cheeks. Sohinki offered his joint to her, and she took it within her fingers. 

“Hey,” Sohinki repeated. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t’ve lashed out at you; none of this is your fault. I know I’m lucky that my soulmate came to me in the form of a girl and that I can use that to my advantage to be safe but…” he trailed off. 

Mari looked up at him, a vulnerability in her eyes. She took a shallow inhale of the joint, and she drew out her exhale. “But?” She prompted. 

Sighing, Sohinki looked away. “But I can’t. My entire life I’ve hidden away this part of me, and it’s taken me so long to accept myself for who I am. I’m not asking my family to do the same, I’m being realistic here, but I’m not going to hide it. I’m pan, and they can take me or leave me.” 

Mari placed a hand on Sohinki’s shoulder. “Sohin, you don’t have to do this to yourself. This isn’t good for you; it’s not safe. You can tell them that when you’re older, when you’re going to live out your own life… with me.” As soon as she said it though, she knew it was a lost case. Her stubborn boyfriend was just too stubborn. Stubborn and proud. But she supposed that was why she loved him. 

Now it was Mari’s turn to sigh, and she took hold of Sohinki’s face to give him a gentle kiss. As their lips softly pressed against each other, Sohinki took the time to fumble for his joint in Mari’s hand. This caused Mari to laugh against his lips, and they fought over the joint until Mari gave it up to wrap her arms around Sohinki’s neck. 

Smiling, Mari whispered, “Soulmate.” It was partially teasing, but mostly genuine. 

Immediately, Sohinki flushed. Mari couldn’t see it, but she felt the heat in the darkness. 

“It was, uh,” Sohinki stammered. “I didn’t mean- it was just- I mean it doesn’t have to be-” 

Mari shut him up with another kiss, this one more firm and sealing. “I think it’s cute,” she said, and it was game over for Sohinki. 

He smiled. “Well in that case,” Sohinki stood up, and offered a hand to Mari. “Why don’t we head downstairs,  _ soulmate _ ?” 

Mari took his hand, only to use it to pull him off balance. While he stumbled, Mari took the time to steal the joint back from his other hand. “Okay,  _ soulmate _ ,” she smirked, taking a drag. 

Lasercorn’s voice materialised at the doorway, quickly followed by his body. “Jesus Christ,” he exclaimed, miming shoving a finger down his throat. “I just came up here to grab a snack from my mini-fridge and I get bombarded with you guys being sappy! Of all people to be saps, I never expected you guys.” Lasercorn shook his head in mock disappointment. 

Sohinki opened his mouth to retort, and then he closed it again, realising he had no comeback and his only accomplishment was looking like a fish. 

Mari simply exhaled, face set with slight horror. “But, like, we were joking, so it’s not sappy, right?” She definitely sounded like she was trying to convince herself. 

Sohinki bit the inside of his cheek, not wanting to admit it, but he was slightly hurt by Mari saying how their soulmate thing was a joke. Of course, it  _ was _ , but it also partially wasn’t. At least not to him. Instead, he just faked a laugh. “Yeah, um, it was just a joke. We’re not sappy, come on,” he directed the last part at Lasercorn. 

Lasercorn took a sip from his mug, looking very condescending. “Am I doing the Kermit meme right?” He asked, after swallowing the wine. 

This made Mari’s horror deepen, but for a different reason. “Oh my god. You’re such an old man!” She exclaimed, shaking her head in disappointment. “Don’t ever do that again, or I’m going to disown you.” 

“Disown?” Lasercorn and Sohinki both asked at the same time. 

Mari looked up in mock surprise. “Disown. You and Lasercorn are both my tiny children. And so are Joven, Wes, and all the juniors.” She explained, as if this was completely normal and common sense. 

Sohinki looked slightly offended about being Mari’s tiny child. “Wait, what about Flitz?” 

Mari blinked again, feigning surprise. “Well, he’s my giant, muscular husband.” 

“Hey!” Sohinki cried. He looked much more offended now, and Lasercorn was laughing. 

“Hey yourself,” Mari said in rebuttal. “You should be happy to be my tiny child. It’s not easy to be adopted into my family.” 

Sohinki stole the joint from Mari’s fingers, indignant. “That doesn’t even make sense!” He took a quick drag. “Why does Flitz get to be giant, when we’re all tiny children!?” Fired up, he took another quick drag. “But more importantly, why is Flitz your husband!? Don’t I get boyfriend perks? Because I’m actually going to be the guy who’s going to…” Sohinki suddenly realised what he was about to say, and he trailed off.

“Going to…” Mari prompted, a smirk on her lips and a faint blush on her cheeks.

And then Sohinki was insisting it was nothing, and Lasercorn was pretending to throw up once again, and Sohinki was shoving him and Mari felt something warm and fuzzy somewhere deep down watching the two of them. 

Mari had restored the normality back to her relationship, her friendships, Sohin, and herself. This was such a relief that Mari threw a low blow at her boyfriend about him having a drug addiction in rebuttal to some petty insult Sohinki threw her way. She giggled as she said it, and this resulted in a weird look from Lasercorn. 

Of course, this normality was fragile and lined with insecurities, family issues, and just a smattering of fuckery. However, normal was normal and it was good enough for Mari. It was more than good, and standing in the middle of two bickering boys who she both loved deeply, it was more apparent that usual. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, again! This chapter was quite a bit shorter than the last one, but the last chapter was never supposed to be that long whoops lmao. Still, I'd like for the chapters to be a bit longer than this usually, but I did want to do a short, kinda angsty thing with Marhinki. I think this fic may become something for me to crank out just keep writing, so it may be inconsistent, depending on what else I'm working on at the moment. However, if any of you want regular chapters of this, I'm totally open to whatever! 
> 
> As always, suggestions/feedback is greatly appreciated, and you can find me at tumblr at lonelyspacepumpkin. Hope you enjoyed!


	4. double girl trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith alerts Courtney of the possibility that Olivia is cheating on her. This is how she deals with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm finally back, after 20 years of not posting, sorry about that. I haven't been feeling my best, but I've been slowly and surely chipping away at this chapter, and here it is! 
> 
> Just a few warnings: this chapter has mention of homophobic parents/family/people in general, a lot of self-doubt (things like not thinking that you're good enough), mention of anxiety and how it affects someone (overthinking things, negative thinking), and mention of cheating. If any of these things bother you, please don't read this chapter! I'll be glad to tell you what happened in the comments :) 
> 
> disclaimer: this fic in no way represents the people who work at Smosh, and those associated with these people (such as family of people who work at Smosh, etc), and these are purely fictional characters that come from the facets of their personalities shown on Smosh 
> 
> Enjoy!

9:18 PM

_to:_ **_crotchney_ **

**Keith Leak Jr:** Hey court

**Keith Leak Jr:** Do you know jessamine law?

**crotchney** : heeeeyyy

**crotchney:** ummm idk jessamine sounds familiar

**Keith Leak Jr:** She sometimes goes by jamie

**crotchney** : oooh! yes! noah has photography with her, i’ve seen some of her work and it’s rly good!

**crotchney:** oh yeah! and she just did a shoot for olivia and it turned out rly rly nice

**Keith Leak Jr:** Right…. about olivia

**Keith Leak Jr:** I dont wanna alarm you, but I feel like I should at least tell you that I saw the two of them walking downtown together

**Keith Leak Jr:** And olivia was kinda all over her

**crotchney:** …………………………………………….what do u mean

**Keith Leak Jr:** She was just laughing a lot and tossing her hair and touching jess a lot and just seeming really flirty

**Keith Leak Jr:** I followed them around for a while and I think liv saw me but she didnt try to hide or anything so it’s probably nothing but……

**crotchney:** are u saying………...that olivia is cheating on me?????

**Keith Leak Jr:** I hope not, yall are cute as shit, she’s probably not but i just wanted to tell you

**crotchney:** …….I can’t imagine her cheating on me, I’ll talk to her abt it tmrw

**crotchney:** thanks for telling me

**Keith Leak Jr:** Yup, I got your back

**crotchney:** :)

 

9:27 PM

_to:_ **_urdad_ **

**crotchney:** hey

**crotchney:** do u need a ride tmrw?

**crotchney:** bc I want to talk to u about smth

**crotchney:** text me back later :)

 

10:47 PM

_to:_ **_urdad_ **

**crotchney** : olivia?

**crotchney:** helloooo

 

11:32 PM

_to:_ **_urdad_ **

**crotchney** : olivia???

**crotchney:** ok then

**crotchney:** well, text me in the morning if u need a ride! xx

* * *

 

Courtney gnawed at her lip, resisting the temptation of checking her phone. It wasn’t like Olivia would’ve texted her back anyways. And it wasn’t like it mattered whether Olivia texted her back or not; Olivia lived a busy life, and plus, she wasn’t obliged to immediately text back. God, Courtney worried too much.

She cared too much.

Courtney shook the thought from her head, tossing over in the top bunk. No, she couldn’t think like that. She had to be logical, and not allow her emotions to take control.

Nights were the worst time for Courtney. The seemingly otherworldly period before falling asleep, where time was warped and reality was challenged-- it was the easiest time for the negativity to get out of control.

Bustling, busy afternoons were the best, surrounded by the laughter of people and the warm gaze of the sun. During those afternoons, it was so easy to be positive. It was so easy that Courtney could barely remember how sometimes her insecurity pressed so urgently at her stomach that she could barely leave the house. It was so easy to not worry about her relationships, and to feel the absence of dread at the idea that everyone she cared for found her repulsive.

Courtney tossed over again, adjusting her blankets.

She told herself it wasn’t a big deal. To _think_ , not feel. There was no way her girlfriend of two years found her repulsive. There was no way Olivia would even think of cheating on her. That it was just a mistake, or a misunderstanding. There was no way--

Courtney took a deep breath, and exhaled heavily. She once more tossed over, and readjusted her pillow. All she had to do was fall asleep, and the morning would be there to greet her with chirping birds and a ray of peeking sunlight. She took a few more deep breaths, focusing on falling asleep.

Her sharp inhales and heavy exhales were met with a groan from the bottom bunk, quickly followed by a weakly launched stuffed animal.

“Go to sleep,” Courtney’s older sister, Kari, moaned blearily, her voice slightly muffled by the mattress between them. “Or at least stop moving so much; I have a chem test tomorrow, if I fail it because I didn’t get any sleep, you’re dead meat.”

Courtney mumbled an incoherent apology, and readjusted her sleeping position for the last time.

Kari was right, all she had to do was go to sleep. Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep...

* * *

 

6:52 AM

_to:_ **_crotchney_ **

**urdad:** Hey, sry I was busy with something

**urdad:** And I don’t need a ride, thanks

**urdad:** R we still up for the movies tonight?

* * *

 

“Wake up, sleeping beauty!”

Courtney was vaguely aware of Kari’s voice, and then her alarm; she could tell it had been beeping for a while. Groggily, she reached for her phone, and managed to put an end to the irritating beeping. She was tempted to turn away from her phone and catch a few more minutes of sleep, but something caught her eye.

Olivia texted her back!

Suddenly, Courtney was wide awake, and sitting up straight. She read the messages, slightly off-put by how vague they were, until she reached the third one.

Then, her stomach fell.

“ _Shit!_ ” she swore to herself, quietly. “Shit shit shit shit _shit!_ ”

Courtney dropped her head into her arms, astonished at how unbelievably _stupid_ she was. How could she have forgotten about movie night?!? And worst yet, she had made plans with someone outside of their friend group. Damien from TV studio invited her to his short film competition, where he was a semifinalist. Courtney was so excited for him- and about their new friendship- that movie night completely slipped her mind. His invitation was so considerate and intimate that she simply couldn’t ditch on him now!

It was difficult for Courtney to stop her negative thoughts from taking over, but she managed to push back the endless stream of _you’re not good enough for her, you didn’t even remember that you had a date, you can’t even care about her properly, you had the audacity to consider that she was cheating on you when you’ve fucked up, she hates you, she hates you, she hates you…._

Courtney slowly put her thumbs to her phone screen, deciding it would be for the best to be honest. She fucked up, and she’d only make it worse by lying. After all, honesty was the most important part of a relationship, right? She just hoped that Olivia wouldn’t hate her for it.

* * *

 

7:01 AM

_to:_ **_urdad_ **

**crotchney:** babe I’m so so so so so so sorry

**crotchney:** I fucked up

**crotchney:** I have plans with damien tonight, it’s his film competition :/

**crotchney:** I’m really really sorry, pls dont be too mad at me

**crotchney:** I love you

* * *

 

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

Courtney jumped, startled by Keith’s hand on her shoulder. He was awaiting an answer to some question he asked. Some question that Courtney wasn’t listening to. All eyes around the lunch table were on her. “Um, sorry, what?” She looked back down at her shoes, fiddling with the edge of her shirt.

“I asked what was wrong,” repeated Keith.

Courtney let out a nervous laugh. “Oh, it’s nothing.” She didn’t sound very convincing to herself, but she just really didn’t want to talk about it. Because talking about it made it real, and Courtney wanted to believe that she was just being dramatic.

“Yeah, okay,” huffed Keith sarcastically. He wrapped his arm around Courtney’s shoulders protectively, a signal to the rest of the lunch table to give her some space. They quickly went back to talking amongst themselves.

Keith spoke in a hushed voice, creating the sensation of a little bubble around him and Courtney. “You’re barely eating your lunch, and you’re destroying that t-shirt of yours. What’s wrong? Spill.” He somehow was simultaneously gentle and demanding.

“It’s Olivia,” Courtney sighed, feeling pathetic. “Well, no, it’s actually me.” She looked conflicted, unsure of what she was saying herself. “I mean, it’s actually both of us.”

Keith was silent as he waited for Courtney to explain.

Courtney retold Keith everything, up to the events of the morning. Then she stopped, afraid to continue.

Keith remained silent, only giving Courtney a supportive squeeze around the shoulders, giving her time to gather her thoughts properly.

Taking a deep breath, Courtney continued. “At this point, I was barely managing to convince myself that Olivia didn’t hate me, and I was super nervous about seeing her in the morning, because I didn’t want to see her mad at me. I didn’t even consider that maybe she wouldn’t show up, and then she wasn’t there at our meeting spot, and it was just so much worse.” She stopped, chewing on the inside of her cheek. This was the part she didn’t want to talk about. This is where she wanted to pretend it didn’t happen.

Keith, thinking that Courtney was done, asked, “And you haven’t seen her since?”

Courtney was silent. And then she finally spoke, “Actually, no, I have.” Her voice broke, and she felt hot tears emerging from within her and she felt so, so, so, stupid. She was a stupid girl who ruined everything and she was going to cry in the middle of fifth period lunch and everyone would see that she-

“Hey, hey, hey, Courtney,” Keith’s voice brought her out of her trance. She touched her cheeks, and they were wet. She felt increasingly stupid as she reached up to swipe her tears away, moving as fast as she could.

Keith rubbed a consoling pattern on Courtney’s shoulder. “Shh, don’t cry, it’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.” His voice fell into a gentle rhythm-- one that Courtney managed to match her breathing with.

_Inhale, exhale._

_Inhale, exhale._

Right after second period, Courtney had shoved her way to room 312, central photography. She was originally planning on keeping her chill and talking to Olivia after school, but after two hours of heightening anxiety, she couldn’t take it anymore. She leaned against the wall right next to the doorway, nervously chewing away at her nails.

_Inhale, exhale._

Time wasn’t reliable when she was ridden with anxiety, but still she knew Olivia was taking way too long. She watched as numerous faceless students left the classroom, their chattering a stale hum in her ears; none of them were Olivia.

Perhaps she had upset Olivia so much that she didn’t come to school?

Courtney debated going into the classroom for a look, and when the third period warning bell rang, she realised she didn’t have the time to be debating around. So, taking a deep breath, Courtney turned the corner, shoulders back and chin up.

_Inhale, exhale._

She made it about one step in.

There, in the center of the room, stood Olivia, her back to the doorway. She was laughing, hands clinging onto the arm of Jessamine Law in a way that made Courtney’s blood turn cold. Olivia flipped her hair over her shoulder, exposing her neck towards Jamie. In the movement, she gave Courtney a good view of her profile. Her cheeks were cartoonishly rosy, and her lips were red.

Olivia never wore bright lipstick!

The colour made the bile in Courtney’s stomach rise. She was afraid she was going to throw up right then and there, so as quickly as she stepped in, she dashed out of the room, back to the wall next to the doorway once again. She remembered feeling strangely relieved. Of all the emotions to feel, she was relieved that she managed to stay hidden.

Then, before she could even move, Jamie was emerging from the room, with Olivia attached to her, still laughing.

Courtney remembered vaguely wondering what Jamie was saying that could be so damn funny, before panicking at the more urgent situation. How was she supposed to face the two of them now?

It turns out she didn’t have to.

Jamie’s eyes passed over Courtney without really seeing her, too caught up in some story that Olivia kept laughing at.

Olivia. Oh, Olivia.

Olivia waltzed out of the room, her feet barely touching the floor. Her hand was on Jamie’s elbow, head thrown back in sweet laughter. And so like this she passed by Courtney, too focused on Jamie to even notice her anxious girlfriend panicking by the door.

Courtney watched Olivia’s retreating form alongside Jessamine Law’s gorgeous, willowy form in awe, as if she was in a dream.

And she felt so, so, so, so stupid. And small. And helpless against the lonely wall and the towering doorway and-

“Courtney, breathe,” said Keith. To her dismay, Courtney realised that she had been crying again, too caught up in her thoughts.

The rest of the lunch table was kind enough to avoid looking at the scene that Courtney was creating, but she could feel the tension in their forced conversation and laughter, giving away their genuine concern.

Courtney only felt increasingly pathetic, and so she forcefully wiped away her tears, giving Keith a weak smile before gently rolling his arm off her shoulders. She stared down at her nachos, now soggy from sitting in the puddle of cheese for too long.

“Sorry,” she said quietly, not to anyone in particular, and yet everyone.

And the roar of the lunchroom continued, as well as the vaguely audible murmur from the shitty cafeteria television.

And life went on.

* * *

 

5:12 PM

_to:_ **_eight_ **

**Keith Leak Jr:** Hey, have u seen court?

**eight:** Courtney? No, why?

**Keith Leak Jr:** Nothing, nvm

**eight:** Are you sure?

**Keith Leak Jr:** Yeah

**Keith Leak Jr: ……..**

**Keith Leak Jr:** ……………

**Keith Leak Jr:** No?

**Keith Leak Jr:** U know I’m shit at lying, I’m not even gonna try anymore, we ain’t got time for that shit

**Keith Leak Jr:** So Courtney’s been pretty upset about something goin on between her and Liv

**Keith Leak Jr:** I’m all about giving ppl space, bc it’s rude asf to get all up in someone’s business

**Keith Leak Jr:** But I kinda started this so I feel responsible

**Keith Leak Jr:** Tl;dr is that olivia might be cheating on court?????

**Keith Leak Jr:** ………….

**Keith Leak Jr:** I swear to god noah say something jfc

**eight:** …………….

**Keith Leak Jr:** What??????

**eight:** So, uh

**Keith Leak Jr:** ………………………????????????????????????

**eight:** Uh, I’ve been talking to Olivia, and

**Keith Leak Jr:** AND???????????

**eight:** And she thinks Courtney’s losing interest in her

**Keith Leak Jr:** What??? How?????? So she started cheating on her??????

**eight:** So she’s _pretending_ to cheat on Courtney with a girl from photography

**Keith Leak Jr:** What the fuck??? That’s so fucked up :///////////

**eight:** Yeah maybe, but what Courtney’s doing is even more fucked up????????

**Keith Leak Jr:** What????? I’m lost as shit

**Keith Leak Jr:** What did court do???

**eight:** She’s been flirting with that Damien guy like crazy! She also literally bailed on Oli to agree to go on a date with him tonight!

**Keith Leak Jr:** Oh my god these girls need to talk to each other this is some fucked up misunderstanding

**Keith Leak Jr:** She hasn’t been flirting with damien!!!! She felt like absolute shit when she had to bail on Liv,,,,,

**Keith Leak Jr:** She genuinely forgot, and she’s rlly sorry abt it

**Keith Leak Jr:** Also it’s def not a date!!!!

**Keith Leak Jr:** Trust me, she loves liv like crazy

**Keith Leak Jr:** She was crying at lunch bc she thought liv was cheating on her bc she was a terrible girlfriend

**Keith Leak Jr:** It was still rlly fucked up for olivia to treat court like this, knowing that her anxiety would make it so much worse :////////

**eight:** Ok, but Oli is super insecure abt her relationship, bc her family is super homophobic and they installed in her the idea that a woman can only have a fulfilling romantic relationship with a man

**eight:** And even though she obviously doesn’t feel that way bc she’s only into girls, Courtney is bi, and so when she was flirty with Damien, Oli felt like she couldn’t compete with him

**eight:** So she did the only thing she knew how to do

**Keith Leak Jr:** I don’t like this

**Keith Leak Jr:** I really don’t like this

**Keith Leak Jr:** Damn, I just want them to be happy bc they’re cute as shit

**eight:** If they don’t talk by themselves, we’ll force them to talk it out

**Keith Leak Jr:** Ok………

**Keith Leak Jr:** Damn, these girls better talk this shit out

**eight:** I’m sure they’ll figure things out soon, don’t worry

**Keith Leak Jr:** Thanks <3

**eight:** <3

* * *

 

Courtney examined her reflection gingerly, tugging at the end of her dress. She was unsure if her outfit was too formal, but it was better than being underdressed, right? Yet, she was unable to get rid of the mental image of being the odd one out, dressed up for a casual film competition. Other girls and their mothers were whispering behind her back, and her face was heating up just at the thought.

She told herself to be reasonable, what she wore didn’t matter that much. Plus, she really liked that dress! Still, Courtney peeled off the dress with a sigh, continuing to dig through her closet.

Courtney’s phone chimed from across the room, and before she could stop herself, she was eagerly checking her messages, hoping for a text from Olivia.

It was Damien. Courtney’s stomach fell, along with her high hopes. He was saying something about how someone canceled on him, so she could bring a plus one if she wanted.

Courtney pressed the little button on the side of her phone, and the screen darkened. Sighing, she put her phone face-down on her dresser, and proceeded to go through her closet with less enthusiasm. She tried her hardest not to think of Olivia, but right after receiving a message like that, it was hard not to.

Usually, she’d be psyched for the opportunity to bring Olivia to her scene, and Olivia would spend the entire night with a smile on her face, happy to see her girlfriend so passionate and excited about cinematography.

But now, everything was different.

Courtney looked up at the clock on her wall, wishing the minutes could go by faster. There were still a few hours before she had to be ready for the film competition, and she had nothing to do but get ready and to try not to think too much about Olivia.

Olivia, Olivia, Olivia.

Courtney flopped onto her sister’s bottom bunk, overwhelmed with emotions.

Olivia, Olivia, Olivia, Olivia, Olivia.

She grabbed the nearest pillow, pressing it into her face.

_Why?_ _What did I do wrong?_

Courtney was distraught. She was confused. And she was… angry? She didn’t want to be angry, but she couldn’t help it. Even if Courtney fucked up their relationship, she still deserved to be confronted outright! No one deserved to be cheated on.

Maybe she should take the high road and break up with Olivia herself. It was the right thing to do; Courtney knew from first-hand experience.

She came from a big family, a mom and dad and six siblings. Her parents had been deeply unhappy with one another for a while now, any of their children could see it. It was in their mother’s heavy eye bags, rows of empty coffee cups lining their father’s desk, and the murmur of hushed but heated arguments in the middle of the night, followed by the revving of a car as their mother drove off to who-knows-where. And she knew it was terrible, but she had been secretly hoping that her parents would get a divorce since she started high school. Her parents’ relationship tore her family apart, when it was vital for a family as big as hers to stick together.

And yet, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. The idea was so strange, so foreign, that she couldn’t even quite process what it would be like to not be Olivia’s girlfriend. A tiny, mostly hidden part of her, ever the optimist, urged her that their relationship wasn’t over. It could’ve been a mistake! Maybe there was a good reason behind it, and Courtney just couldn’t see it now.

But mostly, Courtney was scared.

It was hypocritical, because she had despised her parents’ fear for so long, and now she was the one behind the wheel. What would she do? Would she face her problem head-on, and release the burden from everyone else involved?

No, she wouldn’t.

Because she was scared.

From across the room, Courtney’s phone chimed, bringing her back to reality. She groaned, turning away from the sound. It was probably Damien again, asking her if she wanted to bring anyone. She really wasn’t feeling up to answering, so she remained in her sister’s bunk, pretending like she didn’t hear the notification.

The phone chimed again, a high pitched ding that faded off into nothing.

With the sound, Courtney grabbed a pillow, and shoved it back into her face.

_Ding!_

What could Damien want that would warrant three texts in a row? Although Courtney usually didn’t care about the rules against double-texting, this was peculiar for their new friendship.

_Ding! Ding!_

The notifications seemed to get more urgent as they went on. Courtney removed the pillow from her face, and shifted her torso so she could prop herself up on one arm to stare at her phone from across the room.

_Ding! Ding! Ding!_

It probably wasn’t Damien. Courtney plopped back down onto the bed. It was probably just the groupchat; it wouldn’t be unlikely that she just forgot to mute the raging shitshow that was the Smosh groupchat.

Just then, Courtney’s phone began singing. Her ringtone was an old song Olivia had made her listen to on their third date. It made Courtney's mouth sour; why did everything have to lead back to Olivia?

From experience, Courtney knew the song played for a minute and 25 seconds before it stopped. Courtney didn’t want to wait a minute and 25 seconds.

Groaning, she managed to stand up and walk over to her dresser, where the phone was sitting face-down. She picked the phone up in a sweep to find it was Noah.

She really wasn’t feeling up to listen to whatever Noah had to say, but she figured he didn’t deserve to be ignored for her problems. She figured she’d give him the “Sorry, I’m busy, can’t talk,” spiel and go on with her moping. Reluctantly, Courtney tapped the little green button to accept Noah’s call.

“Hey, Noah, nice of you to call. But actually, now’s not really a good time-”

“Actually, now is the perfect time.” Noah interrupted her before she could finish. “Sorry if you have something really important going on right now, but if you did have something really important going on, I don’t think you would’ve picked up my call. I don’t take that personally, of course, it’s just that-” Noah suddenly stopped, and Courtney was able to pick up the slightest whispering, someone urging him to get to the point.

“Uh, well, what I wanted to say was. . .” Noah trailed off.

Courtney was impatient. She didn’t want to pick up in the first place. “What?” she demanded, feeling a little bad for snapping.

“Olivia wants to talk to you.”

Courtney gasped before she could stop herself. She had so many questions swirling around in her head, and the only thing she could manage was a gasp. She felt like a stupid schoolgirl, head over heels for someone toxic.

And it made her angry.

“Well,” Courtney took a deep breath, dignifying herself. “That’s nice to know.” Her voice was full of venom.

It took Noah off guard. “Oh. Okay then, well, uh…,” he paused. “Keith and I think you two should talk.”

“Keith?” Courtney exclaimed, incredulous. “This is none of your business, Noah, and Keith had no right to moan and groan about me to you! I want no part of you two’s little plan! Just leave me alone!” She didn’t sound as mean as she wanted to. Rather, towards the end, her voice broke, and she felt more and more fragile by the second.

“No, Courtney, you don’t understand!” Noah cried. “Please, this is all just a big misunderstanding, I swear. It’s not my place to tell you what happened, but I’ve been talking to Olivia, and I know what’s happened. Don’t be angry, please. You just really really need to talk to Olivia.”

Courtney scoffed, pretending as if the idea of talking to Olivia wasn’t appealing. “Yeah, and have her lie to me all over again? No thanks.”

There was static as the phone was seemingly grabbed by someone else. “Okay, Court.” It was Keith, and his tone was final, no questions asked. “I get you’re mad, but I’ll tell you this: Olivia wasn’t cheating on you.”

“What?” Courtney barely processed the words before the question was out of her mouth. She wanted to believe it, but she didn’t allow herself to. Not yet. “Explain!” She demanded.

Keith huffed, not having it. “Listen. Noah’s gonna pick you up, and you’ll talk to Olivia in person at my place. There’s a lot for you two to talk out.”

“Wait!” cried Courtney. “What do you mean by Olivia wasn’t cheating on me?”

“You’ll find out when you talk to her. I’m not telling you anything else over the phone, this is something that needs to happen in person.” Keith’s tone was still unmovable as a mountain. “And plus, like Noah said, it’s not my place to tell you anyways. I’ll see you in a few. Bye.”

“Wait!” Courtney cried once more. But she was yelling into nothing. The only thing displayed was her lock screen, full of texts from Noah.

Courtney swore as she slammed her phone down onto her dresser, not bothering to darken the screen first. She paced around her room, angry about her friends’ lack of clarity, and impatient for answers. And plus, who was Keith to order her around like that? Who gave him the right to go around telling everyone all of her secrets? Why were the two of them so sure that she’d just go along with their little plan-- which wasn’t even properly explained to her in the first place!

Courtney imagined refusing to get into Noah’s car. Perhaps she’d ignore him from the house, and he’d have to shamefully drive back alone. Maybe she would lean out the window and flip him off. Or best of all, she could act as if she was going to go along with their plan, and at the last second, right before she stepped into the car, she’d deliver an Oscar-winning line with just the right amount of emotion and sashay back into the house.

Although these scenarios were extremely fun and satisfying to toss around her head, Courtney knew she was only trying to fool herself-- and it wasn’t working. She was hopeless-- and desperate, and despite how deadly and detached she seemed on the phone, all along Courtney was dying to talk to Olivia. And now that she was left with, “Olivia isn’t cheating on you,” the phrase flirting with her dignity and self-preservation, it was all she could do to not pick up her phone and pound away at the keyboard, question after question after question for Olivia.

And so she huffed, walking into the bathroom, makeup bag and styling iron in hand. Because if she was going to talk to Olivia, the girl who was the source of all her moping and angst, who just so happened to also hold Courtney’s heart in the palm of her hand, she was going to establish as much dominance as she could-- by looking damn fine.

* * *

 

5:53 PM

_to:_ **_crotchney_ **

**eight:** Hey

**eight:** I’m here

**crotchney:** give me 5 mins

**eight:** Okay

**eight:** …..

**eight:** I hope you know we didn’t mean to make you angry.

**eight:** I thought Keith was a bit harsh, but that’s just him showing his tough love.

**eight:** I’m sorry if it was too much; I know you’re not feeling your best right now

**crotchney:** yeah, well it was a bit harsh

**crotchney:** ….

**crotchney:** but no, im sorry for being a bitch

**crotchney:** i guess i needed his tough love to put things into perspective

**crotchney:** thanks for being patient w me xx

**eight:** No problem :)

* * *

 

“You ready?”

Courtney stared ahead at the patterned glass upon Keith’s front door. Noah’s voice barely registered in her head as she watched her distorted reflection give a shaky nod.

Noah gave Courtney a shoulder bump of encouragement before pulling open the door with confidence. He held out his arm in a _after you_ gesture, and as much as Courtney wanted to push his body in front of hers, she simply took a deep breath and walked in.

“We’re here!” Noah announced loudly, his voice soaked up by the various decorations lovingly hung up on the walls, placed in windowsills.

This proved to be unnecessary, as Keith emerged from the living room, only a few feet from the foyer, shadowed by Olivia.

Olivia. Oh, Olivia.

She looked like a wreck. Her hair was unruly, knotted up in a bun. Her face was splotchy, and she sported old sweatpants, with a bag of Doritos in her arms to top it all off.

The sight of her took Courtney’s breath away. Courtney had prepared multiple sharp, witty, and emotional openers she would deliver, but now that Olivia was standing in front of her, she was unable to get anything out of her rubber mouth.

She was so sure that she would be full of a sense of triumph when she saw Olivia’s appearance, which would definitely seem disheveled compared to her dolled-up attire. Yet, even with all the hasty hairspray, Courtney still could only feel intimidated. That, and like an asshole for trying to one-up a clearly heartbroken girl.

“Hey,” said Olivia. Her voice was raspy, airy, and hushed, and Courtney was already gone. She had no chance to begin with; it was all she could do to not break into tears.

The girls were vaguely aware of Keith grabbing Noah by the arm, making up some bullshit excuse about having to go into the kitchen.

Olivia’s gaze was transfixing, and Courtney didn’t want to look away. But eventually, after a second, a minute, or an hour, she broke away. She planted her gaze upon a blanket carelessly tossed across the back of the sofa. “Hey.”

They stood in a fragile silence, and the distance between them seemed to stretch on forever, yet they swore they could feel the other’s heat.

Eventually, Courtney couldn’t take it anymore, and she spoke, her pride shattering with her words. “What did Keith mean when he said you weren’t cheating on me?” She looked down in shame for being so blunt. After the silence began to grow once again, Courtney’s curiosity got the best of her, and so she slowly picked up courage, eyes darting from the curtains to the carpet to the framed photographs above the fireplace and finally to Olivia’s face.

Olivia’s eyes were narrowed. “I think you need to explain what Noah meant when he said _you_ weren’t cheating on _me_ first.”

“What?” Courtney’s breath caught in her throat. She felt like this was some scene from a cheesy drama. “What’s going on?”

Olivia studied Courtney from across the room, eyes calculating and deadly. They softened after a moment, taking Courtney’s shocked expression as genuine rather than a ruse. “You tell me what’s going on with Damien.” The biting remark wasn’t nearly as biting as Olivia wanted it to be, sounding more like a whine.

“Damien?” Apparently Courtney was only able to echo Olivia’s words with a shocked tone. “What do you mean what’s going on with Damien? Nothing’s ‘going on’ with Damien!” exclaimed Courtney, using air quotes.

“Oh yeah?” Olivia exclaimed back, the bite back in her voice. “Then explain why you’re skipping movie night to go on some shitty date with him! Explain why you’ve been flirting with him all week! And is all of _this_ ,” she gestured wildly at Courtney’s unusually done-up appearance, “For _him_? Explain to me why I’m not good enough for you! Is it because you’ve realised that your life can’t be complete with a girl? Because in case you haven’t noticed, that’s what I’ve been told my entire fucking life, but I didn’t believe them because of us, but now…. I’m not so sure.” Her shouting diminished down to a whisper, her voice breaking to allow the tears to seep through her anger.

Taken aback, Courtney could only stand there, feeling more and more like an asshole. It wasn’t fair; she wasn’t supposed to be the one feeling bad! She was supposed to be angry; how _dare_ Olivia even try to play victim…. But she just didn’t have it in her. Watching the girl you love crying in front of you tended to do that.

Olivia peeked up at Courtney through her fingers, and seeing that she was just standing there, certainly a sign that everything she said was true, a sob escaped her small, shaking body. In a hurry, she began to run towards the direction of the front door, anything to get away from Courtney.

“Wait, wait, Olivia! Please don’t go,” Courtney burst out.

Olivia hesitated, back still turned towards the other.

“Please,” Courtney begged. “I know that this,” she gestured between them, despite the fact that Olivia couldn’t see her, “ _We_ , are a bit of a mess, but at least listen to what I have to say.” She took a deep breath, struggling to keep her voice level. “I don’t know what you think is going on between me and Damien, but there’s nothing going on! Oli, I love you, I would never do anything to hurt you like that. He’s just a new friend, completely platonic, and I’m so sorry if I ever suggested anything else. Movie night was a mistake, and I feel so, so, so bad about it. Plus, Damien’s competition definitely isn’t a date! I love you, and I’m sorry for anything I’ve done, please trust me.”

A sliver of Olivia’s anger faded away with every one of Courtney’s apologies. She was so genuinely sorry, and anyone could hear it. Still, Olivia wasn’t ready to forgive yet. Hanging on to her spite, Olivia stared down at the carpet. “And what about your outfit? Looking pretty for your _date_?”

“Oh, Oli,” Courtney started, Olivia’s anger breaking her down into nothing but the skeleton of a worn, weary girl. “There is no date. I did this for you. I wanted to look good for you, so you’d look at me for once instead of Jaime.”

There it was.

Courtney heard Olivia’s sharp inhale from across the room, her back becoming instantly rigid. In all of her played-out scenarios, this is where she rose above Olivia, triumphant and vengeful. But in real life, on a Thursday night in a house that wasn’t hers, Courtney was neither of those things.

She was tired. She wanted to crawl into bed and stay there until there was nothing but the stars and the soft music of the rain.

Olivia turned around slowly, dropping her arms to her sides. “I-,” her voice broke. “I’m such a terrible person,” she barely managed to get out, before the tears began once more.

Courtney sighed, turning slightly away from Olivia, looking down. She was so tired.

“I’m so sorry,” Olivia began. “It’s just that I thought you were cheating on me with Damien, and I just thought back to everyone who said a woman couldn’t truly be happy with another woman, everyone who didn’t know about us, everyone who I didn’t believe. It didn’t matter what they thought, because I loved you and you loved me. But then, suddenly you’re interested in him and I didn’t know what to do because maybe you realised that I wasn’t good enough. I couldn’t compete with him, so I tried to catch your attention in other ways.”

“Other ways, huh?” Courtney echoed. She paused. “Did you,” her chest twisted as she got the words out, “ _Do_ anything with her?”

Olivia’s eyes got wide. “Oh God, no! I just wanted you to think that I was interested in her; I wasn’t actually interested in her!” Olivia stopped for a moment to think. “She was like a pretty outfit to catch your attention. Nothing more.” Her voice broke. “I’m sorry, Courtney, I love you.”

Courtney hesitated before looking at Olivia. “That was a really fucked up thing to do. You could’ve just talked to me.”

Olivia looked down. “I know, I know. I just felt so awful because I was sure that you were interested in Damien, and when you said you had plans with him during movie night I just had to make you notice me. I’m so sorry.”

“But,” Courtney said, continuing as if Olivia hadn’t said anything. “I forgive you.”

Olivia looked up at Courtney, wide eyed. “What?” she exclaimed on instinct.

“I forgive you,” Courtney repeated. “Come on, you didn’t actually think that I wasn’t going to forgive you, right? What you did was wrong, but what I did was also wrong. I shouldn’t’ve taken you for granted and thought you’d be fine with me suddenly spending less time with you to go make new friends.”

Olivia let out a small laugh. “How are you such a good person? How can you reach these logical and unbiased decisions like that?”

Courtney smiled. “I have six siblings. It’s what you do.” Everything felt so much lighter. Her smile grew into a grin, until both girls were staring at each other, complete with goofy smiles upon their faces.

Courtney missed Olivia. Even though it was just a few days in which they were cold towards each other, it felt so much longer. Although there was much more to be discussed, Courtney supposed that they could do it while on the same side. She didn’t want to be cold towards Olivia anymore. She held out her arms, nodding her head towards her girlfriend in a _come here_ gesture.

Olivia laughed again, this time in disbelief, before barreling into Courtney’s arms.

The two girls clung to each other in the middle of their beloved friend’s living room, a mixture of tears and lip gloss and history, taking in the other’s warmth. Courtney couldn’t imagine a time when they weren’t intertwined, and she couldn’t quite remember why she had put on so much makeup.

Finally, it was Courtney who spoke again, her voice muffled by Olivia’s hair. “Do you forgive me?” Her tone was light and playful, but she was also seeking a genuine answer.

Olivia looked up, pulling away slightly from the embrace, reading Courtney’s face. “Of course I forgive you!” She brought her head back rest on Courtney’s shoulder. “Come on, you didn’t actually think that I wasn’t going to forgive you, right?” she spoke quietly, teasingly, and Courtney felt the heat of her breath upon her neck.

She laughed, a quiet one. “We’re both very insecure people, aren’t we?” she observed, a bit wistful.

Olivia hummed in agreement, beginning to rock their bodies side to side, in preparation to lighten the mood. “But we can help each other through it, right?”

Courtney hummed back in response.

It was quiet, other than their heartbeats and stray music from the open window. They were one, two girls a tangle of arms and legs and hair and hearts, gently swaying to the rhythm of a song only they could hear.

Courtney felt like she had swallowed a drop of the sun, because being held by Olivia was like being surrounded by the stars.

Suddenly, Courtney’s phone started singing. The girls continued moving as one, and Olivia was the first one to notice the song wasn’t just in her head.

“Woah!” she exclaimed, a giant smile on her face. “Is that the song I made you listen to on what, our second, third date?”

Courtney laughed, engulfed by Olivia’s smile. “Third,” she confirmed.

She allowed the phone to continue singing, humming along into Olivia’s hair. They stood like that for a minute and 25 seconds, just two girls in love.

It was only when the silence was finally biting compared to the music that Courtney suddenly realised. She made some sound in exclamation, and pulled her phone out of her pocket, to find one missed call from Damien.

Olivia didn’t move from her spot on Courtney’s shoulder. “What?” she asked.

Courtney wasn’t sure how to say it. “Uh, I just remembered that I have… that thing tonight?” Her voice curved upwards as if it was a question.

Immediately, their little world was broken. Olivia detangled herself from Courtney, and nodded, trying not to look upset about it. “Oh, okay.”

Courtney was looking anywhere other than at Olivia’s face. “Yeah. Sorry. I feel like it’d be a really asshole move to not go. Because. Like. I guess it’s important to him.” Realising how bad that sounded, she felt like they were back at square one, with her putting Damien’s friendship over their relationship.

“Yeah. I guess.” Olivia repeated, monotone.

Suddenly, Courtney remembered all those texts from Damien that she’d done her best to ignore. “Oh! But if it’d make you feel better, you could come with us! He said I could bring someone if I wanted to!”

“Oh! Um, okay!” Olivia looked a little less uncomfortable. “So… does this mean that we’re,” she paused, trying to find the right word, “Good?”

Courtney laughed a little. “We still have a lot to talk about, but that’s for a later day. As of today, we’re officially back, baby!”

“Mark your fucking calendars!” Olivia joined in, a little bit too loud.

God, Courtney was so in love with this wild girl.

* * *

 

6:42 PM

_to:_ **_crotchney_ **

**DOOMien:** Hey, would you like a ride tonight? If you’d like to bring someone, they’re welcome too!

 

6:58 PM

_to:_ **_crotchney_ **

**DOOMien:** Sorry, I don’t mean to be pushy, but I’m going to head out in a few minutes, so this is your EPIC LAST CHANCE. It’s no problem if you want to drive yourself :) seeya!

 

7:10 PM

_to:_ **_crotchney_ **

**DOOMien:** Hey, are you still coming?

**DOOMien:** In all honesty, you can tell me if you don’t want to come, I won’t be mad. I just need to start prepping soon, and I won’t be able to wait for you. I just don’t want you to arrive and be lost bc the theater is really big

**_DOOMien_ ** _called_ **_crotchney_ ** _: denied_

**crotchney:** oh my god im os soryry

**crotchney:** I had somehting iimportant come up, but we;’ll be htere in a few!!!

**DOOMien:** No, don’t worry! Take your time, it doesn’t start for another 40 mins, I just won’t be able to show you around backstage haha

**crotchney:** do u mind if I bring my gf Olivia?

**DOOMien:** Of course not! I’ve heard so much about her, I’m excited to properly meet her :)

**DOOMien:** Tell me when you arrive so I can give you directions! I’ll see you soon

**crotchney:** tysm!!!! see you :)

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (if you keep track of the time, you'll see that the time on the first snapchat is off, I tried asdfkjl;) (also I don't really use snapchat, so sorry if I did something wrong lol) (picture creds to Courtney's ig and sc, Olivia's ig, and uopacifictheatrearts on wordpress) (also sorry to shayne; I cropped him out in one pic omg I felt so bad ily)
> 
> This chapter was actually 100% inspired by a suggestion that a lovely guest left! They suggested, "i was wondering if the next episode could be about court and oli? like maybe olivia's irl boyfriend is her bff in the story and keith told courtney about it because he thought she was cheating,which makes her jealous and vv pissed,and it starts off really angsty,but it ends with fluff." and I thought it was a great idea! I changed some things around (like I genderbent James bc in-fic Olivia is gay) to fit the circumstances of what I wanted to happen in this chapter. All in all, I'd like to give that guest another thank you for taking time to leave a suggestion! 
> 
> My last two chapters (including this one) were both angsty lol, how do you guys feel about that? Do you want more angst? More fluff and happy shenanigans? Both? Please don't be afraid to give your opinion, or you can tell me in an ask on tumblr at lonelyspacepumpkin! 
> 
> I'm not even going to pretend like I'll be able to keep a steady schedule on this fic lmao, but still please do tell me if you want more chapters, and if you have a preference, what you'd like to see more of! Not only does this help let me know what you want, it also really helps inspire and motivate me to write these! 
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are appreciated. Constructive criticism, suggestions, just a good 'ol comment on something you liked, I appreciate them all so much!! I'm trying to sound professional lmao but pLS I seek constant validation 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


	5. The Seniors Awaken: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lasercorn invites the seniors to a pool party at a questionable time, and this is how the night plays out for the friends. Hilarity guaranteed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyy howdy 
> 
> after all that angst from the previous two chapters, this is just a fun, banter-full chapter! enjoy :)

12:45 AM

_ to groupchat:  _ **_oldies but goldies_ **

**LASERCORN:** Guys

**LASERCORN:** Pool party at my place 

**The Jovenshire:** What????

**tacohashi:** sounds fun

**tacohashi:** when?

**LASERCORN:** Now

**The Jovenshire:** WHAT???????? ARE U SERIOUS

**sohinkadink:** are you high

**tacohashi:** i’m up for it 

**Wes!!!:** Now???? 

**LASERCORN:** Yes, I wish, cool, yes

**The Jovenshire:** What????

**sohinkadink:** he’s serious, he wishes he was high, he thinks it’s cool that mari is up for it, and yes now

**LASERCORN:** And you need to say something other than what

**The Jovenshire:** BUT…… WHAT?????????

**LASERCORN:** What did I just say 

**Wes!!!:** For once I agree w joven 

**Wes!!!:** …..U want us to sneak out now??????

**tacohashi:** sneak out?? what do you have to sneak out for??? you’re 18 man, go live life 

**The Jovenshire:** Ok Mari not everyone’s parents are as chill as urs 

**FLitz:** Why are ya’ll awake

**FLitz:** Also why is this in the seniors gc 

**tacohashi:** ooooh l-corn do you have beef with any of the juniors????? 

**LASERCORN:** What?? No! 

**The Jovenshire:** Hypocrite 

**LASERCORN:** What????

**The Jovenshire:** HYPOCRITE 

**LASERCORN:** SHUT UP I CAN DO WHAT I WANT 

**LASERCORN:** And no, it’s nothing like that

**LASERCORN:** Headcount? 

**tacohashi:** me!

**sohinkadink:** still not 100% on if you’re high or not, but i’m always up for midnight shenanigans

**The Jovenshire:** ...I’m not so sure about this……….. 

**Wes!!!!:** Me neither….. 

**Wes!!!!:** I have a presentation in AP bio tmrw….. 

**LASERCORN:** …...So does this mean I’m just third wheeling w mari and sohinki 

**LASERCORN:** ……..

**LASERCORN:** Flitz? 

**FLitz:** I’ll consider if you tell us why this is in the seniors gc 

**LASERCORN:** …………...

**LASERCORN:** Ugh 

**LASERCORN:** Fine

**LASERCORN:** I’m just not feeling that well tonight and I just wanted to hang out with u guys without having to hide anything bc I kind of feel obligated to protect the juniors 

**tacohashi:** omg l-corn 

**The Jovenshire:** I’m coming 

**sohinkadink:** woah is lasercorn actually talking about his emotions?????? breaking news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! who are you and what did you do with the apathetic, emotionless lasercorn we know??

**The Jovenshire:** Dont fuuckign make fun of him 

**Wes!!!:** Yeah that’s not funny 

**tacohashi:** don’t be an asshole, sohin 

**sohinkadink:** hey hey hey sorry sorry someone has to be the asshole now that lasercorn isn’t doing it 

**LASERCORN:** Hey!

**sohinkadink:** just spittin’ the truth here

**FLitz:** Stop please. Just stop 

**FLitz:** And I’ve considered, I’m on my way 

**The Jovenshire:** Me too 

**Wes!!!:** And me!!!! 

**LASERCORN:** I thought you guys couldn’t make it…?? 

**The Jovenshire:** It’s nothing, I’ll sneak out 

**Wes!!!:** ^^^

**LASERCORN:** But what about your presentation? 

**Wes!!!:** Don’t worry abt it, I’ve already prepped a lot ^-^ 

**LASERCORN:** But what about your parents??

**The Jovenshire:** It doesn’t matter, I’ll sneak out

**The Jovenshire:** WE’RE COMING WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT 

**tacohashi:** sweet! full house tonight?

**sohinkadink:** hell yeah 

**The Jovenshire:** **Heaven yeah 

**tacohashi:** joven no wrong chapter 

**The Jovenshire:** What??

**sohinkadink:** what

**LASERCORN:** What????

**tacohashi:** …..uhm,,,,, nothing 

**LASERCORN:** ...Okay then 

**LASERCORN:** So I’ll see you guys soon?? 

**tacohashi:** yep! 

**Wes!!!:** Yay!!!!!!

**sohinadink:** yeah! 

**FLitz:** Sounds good 

**The Jovenshire:** HEAVEN YEAH!!

**sohinkadink:** ok joven mari’s weird comment doesn’t change the fact that that’s dead. please stop 

**The Jovenshire:** But… it’s a bit! 

**sohinkadink:** all in favor for joven to stop say i 

**tacohashi:** i

**Wes!!!:** I

**FLitz:** I

**LASERCORN:** AYE

**tacohashi:** AYYYYEEE AYE CAPTAINNN!!!!!!!!

**sohinkadink:** ARRRRR MATEY 

**Wes!!!:** LET’S GO GET SOME LOOT!!!!!!

**FLitz:** I’M BLACK!!!!!!!!!

**The Jovenshire:** WHAT IS GOING ON 

**FLitz:** I DON’T KNOW!!!! 

**The Jovenshire:** Wait wait guys I have one 

**tacohashi:** you have one of what 

**The Jovenshire:** Shhhhhhh

**The Jovenshire:** Ok

**The Jovenshire:** So

**The Jovenshire:** Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?

**sohinkadink:** sTOP RIGHT THERE

**tacohashi:** joven no 

**Wes!!!:** UGHHHHH 

**The Jovenshire:** No guys it’s funny 

**The Jovenshire:** Please

**tacohashi:** noooooooo 

**Wes!!!:** 100% negative from me 

**The Jovenshire:** You guys r no fun 

**tacohashi:** love ya jovie <33333333 

**LASERCORN:** Ok guys this was fun and all but

**LASERCORN:** Pool party, anyone? 

**Wes!!!:** Whoops sorry YES I’M COMING 

**tacohashi:** ok i’m heading out 

**FLitz:** Me too

**sohinkadink:** on my wayyyy 

**The Jovenshire:** I’ll be there in a few

**The Jovenshire:** ………….

**The Jovenshire:** The answer was “because they spend years at C” 

**taohashi:** ……………………………..

**LASERCORN:** …………………………………………..

**The Jovenshire:** Get it??? Cause like, C? Like sea? But it’s the letter C?

**sohinkadink:** it’s not that we don’t get it, joven 

**sohinkadink:** it’s that we hate it 

**FLitz:** What did you not understand about STOP

**The Jovenshire:** Come on guys, it was at least a little funny 

**Wes!!!:** Not a chance 

**LASERCORN:** THIS IS REAL CUTE BUT I JUST FUCKING INVITED YOU GUYS TO A POOL PARTY GET YOUR ASSES HERE JESUS CHRIST THIS IS WHY WE NEVER GET ANYTHING DONE 

**The Jovenshire:** *Jeremy Christ 

**LASERCORN:** WHAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ABOUT THE WORD NO 

**LASERCORN:** IT’S DEAD JOVEN

**LASERCORN:** THE JOKE IS DEAD

**LASERCORN:** GET TO MY HOUSE I HAVE A FUCKING POOL 

**tacohashi:** look at what you’ve done jovie 

**sohinkadink:** you’ve broken him 

**LASERCORN:** I’LL FUCKING BREAK YOUR NECKS IF YOU GUYS DON’T STOP TEXTING AND GET THE FUCK TO MY HOUSE 

**tacohashi:** omg 

**tacohashi:** coming  

* * *

 

Mari hummed idly to some mainstream song that played softly from her portable bluetooth speaker, a little cylindrical object carefully balanced on her dashboard. It was catchy, it was meaningless, and although Mari would never admit that she enjoyed the simple music, her fingers tapping along the steering wheel said otherwise. 

She allowed her mind to wander as she masterfully navigated the quiet night road to Lasercorn’s, complete with a sharp turn every now and then, followed by the little speaker sliding across the dashboard. Although her driving looked careless to most, Mari had it down to an art. She knew exactly how fast she could make her turns without allowing her speaker to tumble off the restraints of the dashboard. 

Mari loved her truck. 

That was no secret to anyone, but despite the fact that she would sacrifice anything short of her friends’ lives for her vintage vehicle, she had to admit there were some cons to having such an impractical car. 

One of those being not having a functioning radio. 

Thankfully, Noah, aghast at Mari’s lack of car music, gifted her the portable speaker that currently resided upon Mari’s dashboard a couple of birthdays prior. 

The problem with this, though, was that the little bluetooth speaker was not made to be tossed around in an old truck. She’d been meaning to tape the speaker down for ages now, but it was one of those tasks that Mari knew she’d probably never get around to. And thusly her ingenious art of making sharp turns was born. 

She drove along, admiring how the trees looked illuminated by only her headlights. They seemed to fly past at impossible speeds, and Mari liked to imagine that once they were out of her sight, perhaps they took flight into the sky. 

She thought back to the time she voiced this dream of hers to Sohinki, who proceeded to explain how although there was a certain romance to the idea, she had to understand that the trees, uprooted and far from the ground, would certainly face their withering deaths. Mari laughed slightly at the memory, shaking her head. Put it up to Sohinki to turn her naive imagination into something morbid. 

Humming and driving and content, Mari spotted something moving in the distance. Squinting, she lifted her foot from the gas pedal and prepared to brake. Hitting an innocent animal was not on her list of things she wanted to do tonight. 

Nearing the movement, Mari realised that the figure wasn’t a wild animal, but rather a person. A person on some sort of manual vehicle. A bike? 

No, not a bike. 

Mari leaned forward, curious. As she neared, the person turned their face towards her truck, squinting into her headlights. Bulky glasses, colourful snapback, complete with a toothy grin, he was unmistakable. 

Noticing his vehicle, Mari burst into laughter, hitting her brakes. 

She reached a stop a few yards ahead of him, and as she rolled down her window, he quickly caught up to her. He braked right next to her window, dropping his vehicle and crossing his arms against the open window, laughter loud in the night. 

“Oh my god,” Mari gasped, almost wheezing. “Flitz, why the hell are you riding a scooter to Lasercorn’s?” She had to pause a moment before saying the word scooter to brace herself, and judging by the way she doubled over in laughter on her steering wheel, it still wasn’t enough. 

Flitz laughed freely, head thrown back and mouth open wide. “Well, you didn’t fucking expect me to drive there, did you?” he teased good-naturedly. 

Shaking her head in disbelief, Mari grinned off the last of her laughter, gesturing with her head for Flitz to get in. He threw his scooter into the bed of her truck, climbing in with a brief thanks and an explanation on how one of his moms had apparently allowed the neighbor’s daughter to borrow his longboard, and he was left with an old scooter he found in the garage. “Better than walking, I guess,” he remarked. 

The two rode in silence for less than five seconds before Flitz pointed at Mari’s speaker. “What are you listening to? I wouldn’t’ve expected this from miss alternative punk rock,” he laughed, teasing, yet no judgement in his voice. 

Despite this, Mari’s cheeks immediately flushed, and she desperately grabbed at her little speaker, lifting both hands off the wheel. “Uh, it’s nothing,” she laughed nervously, switching it off and tossing the speaker into a glovebox. 

Flitz hummed, unconvinced, but he didn’t press it. Rather, he steered the conversation towards the upcoming pool party, and the two mused over how the brain of their beloved Lasercorn worked. 

In no time at all, Mari was pulling into the driveway of a generously lit and spacious house, geometric in its modern style. Flitz whistled, pointing out how one of the little lamposts lining the driveway probably cost as much as all of his possessions combined. 

Mari laughed. “Including your priceless scooter?” 

Flitz pretended to think it over. “Well, now that you bring that up, perhaps not as much as the scooter…” he trailed off, breaking character almost immediately to laugh. 

The two hopped out of the truck, the sound of the doors slamming echoing in the night. They walked to the front door, poking fun at the luxurious home that Lasercorn’s parents bought with a wave of their hand (although they had to admit that the doorbell, which glowed a ring of soft blue, was sick. They took a moment to admire it before Mari pressed it). 

Almost immediately, the door swung open, revealing Sohinki in a One Punch Man t-shirt and red swimming trunks. Seeing Mari, his eyes brightened, and he immediately tore his shirt off, spreading his arms comedically wide. “My fair lady!” he exclaimed, looking at Mari expectantly for his display. 

He was trailed by Lasercorn from inside the house, carrying a bowl of popcorn, who raised his eyebrows at Flitz at the scene in front of him. 

Mari mimicked Lasercorn’s expression, seeming unimpressed. 

Sohinki pointed at his lips. “You’re supposed to give me a kiss for that,” he stage-whispered, eyes glimmering with mischief. 

Rather than obliging by Sohinki’s rules, Mari instead turned around and pretended to go in for a kiss with Flitz. Catching on, Flitz played along, puckering up his lips comically large and cupping the air around Mari’s cheeks. 

To everyone’s surprise, Lasercorn played along as well, after rolling his eyes. He patted at Sohinki’s shoulder with his free hand, offering an unconvincing “there, there.” 

The scene was immediately broken when Mari leaned away from Flitz and faced Sohinki once more. “Just kidding!” she said brightly, looping an arm around her boyfriend’s neck and planting a solid kiss upon his lips. While he was distracted, she pat at his bare tummy with her free hand, and dashed into the house before he could retaliate, shrieking with laughter. 

Lasercorn stared after them lazily. “God, they’re such children,” he sighed, shaking his head. 

Flitz nodded in agreement. “Isn’t it scary that they could legally get married now,” he offered, and Lasercorn made a distraught noise at the thought of the two of their friends married when they seemed to be five-year-olds in the bodies of adults. 

 

A kitchen raid, several musings on whether Joven and Wes were dead in a ditch or not, and an eternity of inflating pool floaties later, the four friends stood around the pool, complete with their swimsuits, admiring their work. 

They had managed to create a sort of makeshift salad bar out of the floaties, except instead of salad, they had a shit ton of chips (and cheetos, because cheetos are NOT a chip) bobbing in the center of the pool on repurposed floaties. 

“You know,” Mari started, hand propped on her hip, “Now that I’m thinking about it, this is really one of the most truly depressing things I’ve ever seen.” 

“Yeah right,” Sohinki scoffed. “Depressingly  _ awesome _ is more like it!” 

Lasercorn barely managed to suppress the urge to push Sohinki into the pool immediately. “No one says that, dude,” he shook his head in disappointment. Then, dramatically looking into the distance, “I always knew this day would come that I would have to betray my brethren,” he delivered his line well, but then, overcome with glee, he broke out into possibly the worst evil laugh ever.

“That is,” he shrieked, eyes bright with excitement, “Because I have been working against you this whole time! Bow down to your overlord!” he exclaimed, before using both hands to shove the bewildered Sohinki into the pool. 

Mari and Flitz shared a  _ look  _ over Sohinki’s panicked yell, and Lasercorn’s squeaky evil laugh, eventually wincing in unison when they were hit by the splash of Sohinki’s body hitting the water. 

Flitz turned his attention towards Lasercorn, who finally stopped evil laughing. “Come on, you just got the food wet!” Now Flitz was the one to shake his head. 

But Lasercorn wasn’t paying attention to Flitz’s disapproving gaze, because he was peering into the pool, looking slightly concerned. “Hey guys, have you noticed that Sohinki hasn’t come up yet?” He waded a bit closer to the edge of the pool, trying to get a better look at where Sohinki could be amidst the darkness. “Uh, guys? A little help here would be-” 

Suddenly, a pair of hands reached out of the water, grabbing Lasercorn by the ankles, and tipping the latter into the pool belly-first. Lasercorn yelled as he went down, making a smacking sound against the water that even Sohinki, now surfaced, winced at. 

Lasercorn emerged out of the water in a wave, blindly grabbing at Sohinki to dunk him. The two grappled back and forth in the water, shrieking with laughter, paying no mind to their splashing.

“The food…” Flitz cried softly, saying a mental goodbye to the dream of a satisfying crunch. 

Sohinki held off the splashing for a few moments to gesture towards the pool. “What are you guys waiting for, come on!” 

Mari gave a little laugh before cannonballing into the pool with a yelp. Both Sohinki and Lasercorn turned their faces away from the main impact of the splash, yelling along with Mari. 

When she surfaced, Mari turned towards Flitz, who was still standing by the pool. “What, you afraid of the water?” she teased, waving at him to get in. 

Despite the fact that there was no saving the chips (and cheetos), Flitz still respected their hard work, slinking gracefully into the pool. 

Once everyone settled down (aka when Flitz forced Lasercorn and Sohinki to reach a truce), Lasercorn narrowed his eyes in concentration. “Something doesn’t seem right,” he said, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “Am I doing this pool party thing wrong?” 

The only sound was that of crickets chirping. 

Sohinki rolled his eyes. “Duh, dumbass.” He paused to allow Lasercorn to figure it out by himself, but when he didn’t say anything, Sohinki rolled his eyes once more, exasperated. “Music! Come on, man, you forgot the music!” 

“Ah,” remarked Lasercorn, sounding defeated. “Well, shit.” 

Mari perked up. “Actually, I have one of those little portable speaker things in my car!” She pushed herself out of the pool in a slosh of water. “I can go grab it real quick right now,” she said, running towards the driveway on her tip toes in her aim to not get herself dirty. 

Mari returned a few moments later, given up on trying to stay clean. Her feet slapped against the concrete, and she held a glowing little cylinder above her head in triumph, despite the little pieces of grass that stuck to her feet.

The friends let out a few cheers for the brave Mari, who risked her cleanliness for the entertainment of others (and also herself). 

Mari set the speaker upon a nearby patio table, turning it on with a pleasant electronic beep. Lifting her phone up for the group to see, she asked, “What do you guys want to listen to?” 

“The screams of my enemies!” exclaimed Lasercorn, punching the air in his excitement, thusly splashing everyone else in the pool. 

Mari rolled her eyes. “Something that’s actually music, please?” 

Lasercorn frowned at her. “It’s music to  _ my  _ ears!” 

Sohinki splashed Lasercorn back for the previous air-punch. “Come on Lasercorn, we’re looking for something that’s music to all of our ears. Like that one time you got really drunk and sang Britney Spears standing on your kitchen counter.” He laughed at the memory, as did everyone else but Lasercorn. 

Mari’s phone chimed, and when she looked down at her screen, her eyes brightened in glee. “Guys, guys, guys! Everyone grab their phones, because Joven just texted!” 

“Good to know he’s not actually dead,” muttered Flitz, pushing himself out of the pool, followed by Lasercorn. 

Sohinki, though, took to the pool ladder, and when Lasercorn called him an old lady, he replied, indignant: “Okay  _ wise guy _ , I’d be an idiot to ignore the resources in front of me!” 

His comeback earned a snicker from Mari. “Yup, definitely an old lady.”

* * *

 

1:56 AM

_ to:  _ **_oldies but goldies_ **

**The Jovenshire:** Hey um guys?

**The Jovenshire:** I’m losst 

**tacohashi:** how tf did you even manage--

**LASERCORN:** You’ve been here about a hundred times

**The Jovenshire:** Um os we’ree a bit durnk?? 

**tacohashi:** _ we????????  _

**Wes!!!:** …… 

**Wes!!!:** I’m lost too 

**sohinkadink:** why the hell 

**The Jovenshire:** WEs and i wen t on an alkcohol run

**FLitz:** _ WHY  _

**LASERCORN:** Are you two fucking brain dead 

**LASERCORN:** Bc my parents have the largest store of alcohol ever 

**Wes!!!:** We know!!!!!!! 

**The Jovenshire:** Wee jsut wanted to do it for the esxperience 

**The Jovenshire:** CUZ like we alwaYS get our alcoholk frofm u 

**The Jovenshire:** ANd like so i was thinking whyy do i ihavie a fake ID if I nevER use it??? 

**tacohashi:** jesus fucking christ

**tacohashi:** how drunk are you guys???

**Wes!!!:** Not that drunk!!!!! 

**tacohashi:** then why the hell is joven texting like that 

**Wes!!!:** Oh he just sucks at texting 

**Wes!!!:** And also he’s steering the bike 

**FLitz:** What. The. Hell. 

**sohinkadink:** ??!?!??!?!?!??!! 

**Wes!!!:** Oh yeah

**Wes!!!:** Um we’re on joven’s bike 

**tacohashi:** OH MY GOD 

**tacohashi:** YOU GUYS BETTER GET THE FUCK OFF OF THAT THING 

**tacohashi:** THAT’S DANGEROUS AS SHIT WTH ARE YOU DOING 

**tacohashi:** HOW THE HELL ARE BOTH OF YOU GUYS ON THAT THIGN 

**tacohashi:** ALSO JOVEN SHOULDN’T BE BIKING DRUNK

**tacohashi:** HE SHOULDN’T BE STEERING ANY VEHICLE EVER EVEN WHILE NOT BEING DRUNK 

**tacohashi:** JUST GET THE FUCK OFF

**Wes!!!:** Ok ok ok plz don’t be mad 

**tacohashi:** ARE YOU GUYS OFF?????? 

**The Jovenshire:** Yes!! Stop yelling!!!!

**sohinkadink:** this shit is wild 

**tacohashi:** we’re coming to pick you guys up 

**tacohashi:** jesus christ you guys are stupid 

**FLitz:** We’ve all been here for forever and y’all are stuck on a bike 

**sohinkadink:** we thought you guys were lowkey dead 

**The Jovenshire:** How can you be lowkey dead

**sohinkadink:** idk 

**sohinkadink:** i didn’t care enough to rlly think about it 

**The Jovenshire:** Wow

**The Jovenshire:** We could’ve been dead and you didn’t even care enouugh to thiknk about us????

**sohinkadink:** nope 

**Wes!!!:** >:( 

**FLitz:** Come on, sohinki, play nice with the others 

**sohinkadink:** YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Hope you enjoyed that :) 
> 
> I'm super happy with the response from the last chapter; keep the comments coming! I might take a while to actually get to your suggestion, sorry about that, but I'm still trying to figure out how to incorporate some of them. Also, if I don't use your suggestion or ship, it's nothing personal! This is just a bit of a bigger project, and if I don't personally ship some of the suggested ships, I'd have trouble writing them into this. However, I've been thinking, if you guys would like, I could definitely start a little collection of oneshots for suggested ships! 
> 
> Anyways, about this chapter, sorry it's not top notch quality (it got kinda crazy whoops). Also, I usually wouldn't break a chapter in half, but for the next couple of weeks, I'm going to be working on a short story for a competition, and I didn't want to leave you guys with nothing. I figured since this is more of a fun shenanigans chapter, this would be fine. Stay tuned for the second half ;)
> 
> And of course, as always I greatly appreciate any comments or suggestions, as well as kudos! You can find me on tumblr at lonelyspacepumpkin, or on twitter @HaasOfCards (I hardly ever tweet bc I don't know anyone on there, I use it more to keep up with ppl I admire and the news lol, but I do check it pretty often so feel free to hmu! I'd like to make some twitter friends!)
> 
> (also regarding all the changes to smosh irl: i obviously support everyone in their decisions on their own careers, and i wish them the best of luck :) the only thing i want to do with these changes in-fic is to add boze and damien, bc the more the merrier! and also they're incredible additions and nO tHiS iSN't JUsT bC i rEaLLy waNt tO WriTE dAmiEN wHat NO)


	6. AN: Important Message Regarding Flitz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry I have to bring up such a serious topic here on this light-hearted fic, but it is very important that this message goes around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> regarding the links: trigger warning- rape and sexual assault, as well as cult-like behaviour

Hey, guys. 

It has recently come to my attention that Flitz aka Amra Ricketts has been accused of rape and sexual assault. The original post is here, if you would like to read about it. I would really recommend also reading the comments: https://www.facebook.com/raqueystrange/posts/1945012799092932 

I commend everyone who has spoken out against him for their bravery. I will no longer be supporting Flitz as a creator. As for Smosh or DEFY media, they have yet to speak out about the subject. I will be awaiting their response, and if they respond inappropriately, although it would break my heart, I do not think I would be able to continue supporting a company who defends rapists/sexual assaulters. 

With that being said, I feel like it would be severely inappropriate to continue writing this fic that includes Flitz, even if it's a fictional version of him. I will be taking down this fic in its entirety soon. 

I just want to say a big thank you to everyone who has supported my writing, and also sorry that it must end this way. 

-Stef

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit: Flitz has released a statement saying that he is leaving Smosh Games. He denies the allegations, and is currently working with a lawyer to disprove the claims. We still, of course, do not know the truth. I have decided to keep my work up until a conclusion has been reached. I will then act accordingly. 
> 
> I have also edited my original statement as well, as I believe I had spoken out too brashly. However, I will continue not supporting or writing Flitz until a conclusion has been reached.


End file.
